Things are changing

Today I'm going to write about some strange things. For example, this year I've lost a lot of people. Or at least it feels like it. Another example is that this is my last year of high school.


So let's start with the losing of friends. It's not like I did something bad, or they did, but it just felt that our lives are no longer connected, not even from far away. It isn't an easy decision going further, but it's the only option I got. I wanted a tranquil year, and I didn't get it. Exactly the opposite. At least I had things to think about. Although, sometimes it feels better not to think about anything.


I wish I could turn back time to revive the moments again and again until I get bored, because I like life. Despite my tendencies of going for the pessimistic way, and the devil's side, I LOVE life! I like the bad parts too, and I adore when I can go through them totally numb, like I would be just a stander-by, like it wouldn't be my life, it would be someone else's and I would just look and see the facts on every side. 


As I like people (some people at least) I like to evaluate things, and because I have imagination I can create stories for them all. Sometimes I do that for me and I wonder what if I would've chosen differently? I am pleased with my every decision though. It helped me understand life as it is: not a fairy tale, not hell, not heaven, and definitely not for me. Well, looks like I understood what life is not. Sorry for the confusion. But I'm not disappointed with anything. Maybe just with things that are ending, because new beginnings await and I am afraid I won't be able to get used with them.