In love with Lucifer

 

Have you ever been in love with the devil? Even if he looks just like a normal boy with the face of an angel, we all know when the devil has taken control over our lives. "In love with Lucifer" is a horror romance story I'm writing on a website called wattpad.com. I want to make a summary of the story here, because this is very important for me.
The main characters are Helen Whitakers, Lucifer(how could he not be here?) and Melissa Oakley - Helen's friend. That's until now. In the future I may add some more.

First of all, here's the link to the story if you want to read it: In love with Lucifer (it will open in a new window). If you are using mobile here's the code for the story on wattpad: 24883614 (here's the link to the mobile version of the website: m.wattpad.com ). My username on wattpad is: MixSalvatore (I have some stories in Romanian if you are interested).

Helen is a highschool girl who never fell in love. She likes boys, but just not enough. One day she dreams of a handsome man that rescues her. When she looks at his face she discovers he is as beautiful as evil one can be. She's not sure if he's an angel or a demon, but he tells her he is her angel actually. She doesn't want to believe, but when she wakes up from this dream she is confused and starts searching information about the devil. Soon they will meet again, in reality this time. He says he is trying to save her (at a party), but in her mind only damage has been done. 

Melissa has been her best friend for a few years and she is not aware of Helen's encounters with the supernatural. For her, life is simple and dramatic only in the thoughts of boys, highschool and family. Other secrets will lie in her closet too, but more on that later.

Helen's family is not an ordinary family. They also have a lot to hide. Her father will give her a clue on the things, but that raises just more questions than answers in Helen's mind. Lucifer wants her, she claims she hates him and for some time her life is going in the difficult ways because of her connections with the devil. She will find out about a group "The Fallen" who want revenge against Lucifer, and of course, against her. 

She is Helen in my vision.

This story takes place on Earth, Hell, Heaven and a supposed Paradise. You will find out more on the on-going chapters. I am currently at Chapter 4: Insidious Places . If you want to be updated with the new chapters that are coming you can follow me on twitter: @blachshadowangel. 

Change? Really? "Haven't noticed"

2012 it's been a hell of a year! I know it's not over yet, we're only in August, but how many things could happen till now...

This year it's been "the end" for many of us, and I'm not talking here about death literally, I'm talking about failed relationships, friends lost, changes in people, changes in everything I guess. The best part is that is not over! I wanted this year to be peaceful and it was quite the opposite. Now, I think I'm prepared for the rest of it, but who knows what's about to come.

I want to thank all the people that didn't let me to know them. You have no idea what great favor you did.You know that feeling when you want to spend your time with someone (friend or future lover) and that person doesn't seem to share your interest and tries to get away from your life. Well, that is a real friend. Like this you can't say anything wrong about her, only the fact that she didn't let you in her life, but trust me, one day you'll see it's for the best. I discovered people this year, and I discovered them in a way I wish it never was, but when people choose to change, they usually go for the current trend. And it's trendy to make new friends and forget about the past ones, it's cool to lie.. to whatever. It's cool to be fake. Yeah, I guess that's the word people are embracing today: fake.

The unspoken words are called "unspoken" not because they are some sort of dangerous secret, but because when we find out the reality about someone, it's like... unexpected and it leaves you speechless. The truth does that sometimes, especially if tasted after years. It's like wine, as it gets older, it has a more of an impact on you.

You might be asking why I am talking in so many metaphors. But there are some things, that you can't say out loud without trying to make the situation sound better. It doesn't have to be so bad that you're disappointed in people, that the need to meet new people it's actually because the ones you knew are like rotten apples now (and yeah, this was pretty harsh).

TWWY: Love

Remember what I said about The War With Yourself=TWWY? Well, last time I kind of given you some theories. They work, but you may want to know about the problems you'll face.

The fact that you need to change some habits it's not so easy. I recommended an social life so you don't fall on depression. But eventually you will anyway. Then you'll read the other post, and you won't find any advice from it anymore. Everything will be superficial. Well, I told you is not going to be a smooth road. You need to set a goal, but if you're not sure what you should do, what's the best decision, well, then, things are getting complicated. It's dangerous to let life choose. Sometimes it works, but just going with the flow may not lead you to the best place.

Let's take some specific examples: love. Read this only if you have problems. And if you don't know me, because if you do, I don't what you to take anything personal... Whatever.


situation "A":You're in love with someone and you can't forget him/her (I'll just use him from now on, because it's kind of weird to put both every time, but you imagine your specific case). Think that if this love is poisoning, you need to respect yourself. You need to understand that there are billions of people, and there isn't just one right for you; there are many. And you can meet them all, you can be stuck on choosing, but remember: you always have a choice, always. But I'm afraid that 90% of them depend on you. And if you like: oh, I'll never forget him because he was so perfect... etc. Then, why did he leave? Why did he do that and that if he's perfect? Same thing goes for yourself. If you're not perfect, why would you crave for that person? I'm not trying to say that you're less than someone, I'm trying to make you understand that if you want a change in your life, you need to make different things. You can't expect an improvement in your love life, if you're just taking the same decisions. You can't begin something if you just say you will.

situation "B": You like many persons, and you don't know whom to choose from. My advice, a hypocrite one (if you still consider yourself a totally sincere person), would be to choose them all. Not at once, of course, but this life is filled with different roads, and if you can try as many as you can, why not? Yeah, you may suffer and all, but no matter what you choose you'll suffer eventually. Tell me if I'm wrong. But, if you want just one of them, you should look in your heart and see who you love the most. If every one of them looks right, you should investigate better: one of three apples is definitely rotten. Maybe I'm wrong with the apples, but with people never. You know you chose right when you're fully happy, when you don't care about other things, when you're ready to face the problems that will come (at least at the beginning). You can make a list of the qualities and flaws of each person, but you know no matter if one has many qualities than the others, what is important is how you feel with a certain person. The right choice may be wrong for others, so I'm afraid friends can't help much. I was advised by friends, and they wished me the best, but what mattered was in my heart, not in theirs. That's why when you ask someone what he things about your problem, they'll always tell you their choices, not yours, or they'll just tell you to choose by yourself. Good luck. Even if the road isn't easy, you usually figure it out anyway. So, don't worry too much.

situation "C": You don't have anyone in your life. If you're down on yourself, let me tell you without any resentment: you're a fool. Remember how ugly people have a cool guy/girl as a boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, these ugly persons don't feel ugly at all. And they don't send to the opposite sex that they're ugly. On the contrary I'd say. Everyone is special in their own way. You probably heard this like a million times, but I'm sure you have moments when you look in the mirror and you love yourself way too much. Or you see others who are full of themselves and you hate them. But did you stop to ask yourself if you hate them because they don't care much about others, or because they have confidence and they walk in a room knowing what they value? Yeah, they may exaggerate a little (more), but they let opportunities come to them because they think they deserve it. You should think the same. As you may have noticed, in this situation I talked about you, not the other mysterious person. That's because you are the problem here. To be more specific, your attitude. You may think: who is this person who dares to tell me what to think? But, I'm not here to do that. It's your choice if you want to change something or not. If you like the results until now, then that's perfect. If not, you should do something. May not feel right at first, but "something" is always better than "nothing". 

P.S. Wicked or not, it's still love^_^ What is yours counts. What you want to be yours must be clear in your mind.

The war with yourself

 

You want to do something, to achieve a goal, to start a new activity, whatever. You make a plan about you should do for your change. On the first everything goes smoothly, but then the next days, you don't have that much ambition and you feel like you want to give up. 

Well, as much as I hate to say it: you're your own enemy. You're fighting between the part that says "come on, get up, do that now" and the part that says "why should you change anything?you'll feel better if you don't do anything". You seriously need to do something about the second part.

Changes are good, but you need to be receptive to the idea that in the beginning is going to be hard to make that change become a habit. What you need is a specific plan among some things that you should remember. First of all, when you want let's say to start tomorrow learning at biology(for example), well you prepare your pen, pencil, you set your alarm clock at the desired hour, you take an empty notebook and you prepare your books. You don't just say "I'll learn starting tomorrow" because that's vague and as you know already: you won't do anything. You'll just watch movies or play games, whatever you're doing in your free time. Secondly, you have to remember that the beginning isn't easy, you need to fight the you that doesn't want to get out of his comfort zone. Think about the final result. Think that if you want to get there you need to put a little effort in what you're doing now. 

The war with yourself doesn't begin and doesn't stop here. It's another problem when you're feeling depressed. That slows you down in everything you do, no matter if you want to have fun or to read a book. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're not feeling well. Everyone has there ups and downs. The big difference is between the ones who want to do something about it and the ones who don't. Listen to a song. Call a friend that makes funny jokes and makes you feel better. Do something you like until you feel better. Don't say it's impossible, because if you want it, everything good can be possible. 

The biggest enemy in your life is you, and maybe you're sick of hearing this, but accepting this truth is the key to understand how can the good part in you win. Knowing yourself is the best weapon. And don't forget that your attitude counts, so if you want to live at your full potential accept change and don't think low on yourself because that will only slow you down.

I know I haven't been discussing this until now, but it seemed a good subject, as it covers many problems with ourselves. Reaching perfection is a foolish thought, but reaching what you really want is the perfect reality.

Ever met happiness?

 

Sadly, there are people who don't know how to live. They don't appreciate the little things in their lives, they don't understand the essence of happiness. Dreams are the most beautiful things on earth. And a dream that comes to life it's pure paradise.

I invite you to enjoy the deepest joy in your heart. Don't ask me to tell you what could that be, because you're the only one who truly knows. Reach for your dreams like you would've already achieved them. It's so simple to be happy. Why refuse the best offer that the world has for you? And don't say that now things aren't going so smoothly, because this is just the beginning of the changes that are going to happen. You feel at your best when you reach the light at the end of the tunnel, but why not see the light now? Why don't you look in front of you and see the good things that await to be taken. 

Life it's easy if you believe it. Life has a lot to offer and we are only a part of it. Imagine how it feels when it's complete. Take a little time for yourself and imagine perfection. How good does it feel perfection(the way you understand it)? Don't think that you don't deserve it. You deserve the best, trust me, but only if you want it. 

If you haven't seen it, I recommend you the movie "The Secret". It's a documentary about positive thinking, and not just that, it's the explanation of why people are successful and how good things come into our lives. Of course, you have to make a little effort to think about the things that you like, that's the key, to concentrate on what you want, not on what you hate.

Things are changing

Today I'm going to write about some strange things. For example, this year I've lost a lot of people. Or at least it feels like it. Another example is that this is my last year of high school.


So let's start with the losing of friends. It's not like I did something bad, or they did, but it just felt that our lives are no longer connected, not even from far away. It isn't an easy decision going further, but it's the only option I got. I wanted a tranquil year, and I didn't get it. Exactly the opposite. At least I had things to think about. Although, sometimes it feels better not to think about anything.


I wish I could turn back time to revive the moments again and again until I get bored, because I like life. Despite my tendencies of going for the pessimistic way, and the devil's side, I LOVE life! I like the bad parts too, and I adore when I can go through them totally numb, like I would be just a stander-by, like it wouldn't be my life, it would be someone else's and I would just look and see the facts on every side. 


As I like people (some people at least) I like to evaluate things, and because I have imagination I can create stories for them all. Sometimes I do that for me and I wonder what if I would've chosen differently? I am pleased with my every decision though. It helped me understand life as it is: not a fairy tale, not hell, not heaven, and definitely not for me. Well, looks like I understood what life is not. Sorry for the confusion. But I'm not disappointed with anything. Maybe just with things that are ending, because new beginnings await and I am afraid I won't be able to get used with them.

The ugly truth

I'll tell you a story that I've written. Not all of it of course. There were once two vampires and they were seeking for love. Each one found a girl. The girls were not perfect, but they got along with mistakes, with joy until one day. The second vampire finds out that his love was cheating on him. She had a lover that was her actual boyfriend that lived abroad. He gets mad and kills them both. That's not called love. The first vampire thinks he's in love and gets killed by the girl that he once helped.


What I want to point out is that they didn't love each other. Their love was just casual dates with some feelings, but nothing special, nothing to last. I wanted to create a love story, but I couldn't because their relationships were too simple. I needed complicated stories and fights for this "true love" that they were so madly seeking. Later, they discover a lot of interesting things about life and that's why the story goes on. And I always keep their love life at a miserable level, so they'll never get boring.


Let me give you an example, so you would understand better. In Vampire Diaries most fans love Damon and Elena's story, but if Damon was Stefan, they would've died to see Stefan and Elena. We like to have things we can't. We say we like simple things, but we love to stay awake at night and think about our stupid complicated lives. We need to be entertained or we lose the interest. As long as Damon and Elena won't be together they'll remain the main subject, but now that Stefan can't be with Elena too, fans are changing sides, because let's face it we love the bad Stefan. 


So the ugly truth is that we can't be happy just by feeling it. We need action and drama.

These problems... these people...

"I wake up to see the morning light, oh, but there is no light. It's just an empty space filled with dust in the wind. I get up from bed and I look at the mirror. What a sad look on my face. I am beautiful, I know I am, I have no disabilities but yet I feel sad, alone and unprotected." - These are feelings of depression. These are the feelings that a person who's suffering on the inside from different reasons says such things. How can I help him or her?


I tried to say that everything has an ending and a better start, but does it really matter? No, I'm just talking in vain, I'm just helping helpless people. They say they want to be saved, but they want to fall deeper and deeper. I'm not saying you don't have a real problem, or real problems, but if you want advice you have to be prepared to fight, prepared to change things into better if you really want to go on.


I don't understand why say you want to fight when you actually want to devour all the sins in the world? When you want to die, to make people suffer, to make you suffer? Why say you're a fighter? You wanna scream your problems but you don't want to solve them. You want to just be proud to have those problems. Love it. Embrace it! Why don't you put an end to it I have no idea!