Change? Really? "Haven't noticed"

2012 it's been a hell of a year! I know it's not over yet, we're only in August, but how many things could happen till now...

This year it's been "the end" for many of us, and I'm not talking here about death literally, I'm talking about failed relationships, friends lost, changes in people, changes in everything I guess. The best part is that is not over! I wanted this year to be peaceful and it was quite the opposite. Now, I think I'm prepared for the rest of it, but who knows what's about to come.

I want to thank all the people that didn't let me to know them. You have no idea what great favor you did.You know that feeling when you want to spend your time with someone (friend or future lover) and that person doesn't seem to share your interest and tries to get away from your life. Well, that is a real friend. Like this you can't say anything wrong about her, only the fact that she didn't let you in her life, but trust me, one day you'll see it's for the best. I discovered people this year, and I discovered them in a way I wish it never was, but when people choose to change, they usually go for the current trend. And it's trendy to make new friends and forget about the past ones, it's cool to lie.. to whatever. It's cool to be fake. Yeah, I guess that's the word people are embracing today: fake.

The unspoken words are called "unspoken" not because they are some sort of dangerous secret, but because when we find out the reality about someone, it's like... unexpected and it leaves you speechless. The truth does that sometimes, especially if tasted after years. It's like wine, as it gets older, it has a more of an impact on you.

You might be asking why I am talking in so many metaphors. But there are some things, that you can't say out loud without trying to make the situation sound better. It doesn't have to be so bad that you're disappointed in people, that the need to meet new people it's actually because the ones you knew are like rotten apples now (and yeah, this was pretty harsh).

Did you ever loved 2 people at the same time?

Maybe this idea is old, and kind of boring, for those who have a peaceful love life, but for those who don't, you'll be enchanted.

In my life I don't know if it happened to love 2 guys at the same time and at the same intensity (that's what we're talking about). But if I did that, I guess it would be horrible. I know for sure they would be different persons, they would be both funny and smart and would have something that attracts me.

An old saying (Johnny Depp) tells you that you should choose the second one, because if you truly loved the first one you wouldn't fall for the second guy/girl. But, we all know things aren't so simple. It's out of my reach to understand such a situation, but it's possible that you don't love any of them, and your heart is just messing around. I can't say choose that person, or the other one. In your heart I think you know if you're ready to choose one of them, if you can begin a sincere relationship, or if you want things to stay like this.

Love is a complicated phenomenon and it's hard to predict who's worth it or not. The only solution could be, if you really don't know who to choose, to take some stupid test about this situation of yours. You'll already know what answer you're expecting, so I guess that should be your choice. Here everything is unpredictable and that's the fun of it. Good luck, my friend, on whomever you choose ^_^

Today I learnt

 

Today I learnt that experience has to be shared. I met a one of the million people that want to change the world, but to do that money is needed. And a lot of it if you want to do something good. Of course, there are situations and situations.

The main point is to go for your dreams. No matter how silly they seem. Someday you'll look back at the time that passed and you'll wonder why you didn't do anything when you had the chance. Time doesn't wait, and it feels like years pass faster and faster.

We all began a lot of things and we never finished them. For some of them we didn't even had the courage to make the first step. You don't need to see the whole stairs. Now I know that, and what matters is that life doesn't go backwards. If you want to do something about the past change your present. Don't think too much in the future because that is also losing yourself.

I'm finally done with all the exams, and I am sad. I am sad because a whole novel has ended. Another will begin shortly, but right now I'm not ready. I need to relive some of the past events, the ones that made me happy. I want to remember all the friendships, all the gossip, all the adventures. It feels now that all moments when I felt down had so simple solutions. Everything was just a story that I had the chance to write it at my own will, and yet I didn't see anything in front of me.

I am not sorry for the decisions I made, and I wouldn't turn back time to change anything, I would only return to do something more, to achieve more memories in all this time.

When something is ending, always something else will begin, but before the end make sure to have done everything you wanted until now. But, still, if you didn't, remember to take advantage of future situations.

Today I learnt a chapter of your life isn't over until you're disconnected from all the things that binds you to it.  When it's time you're not afraid anymore, and you go on your own road, and looking back makes you feel proud that you achieved something and at same time it makes you sad because those moments are unique, they are not coming back.

Voices in your head

They have some great ideas no matter if you choose or not to listen to the voices... It's not the first time you hear this and definitely not the last.

Sometimes they tell you to forget about consequences, to live for your dream, to do crazy things for your crush, to simply be happy or they tell you to kill yourself, to stand up to the worst expectations. 

No matter the massage, the voices always say interesting things. Sometimes they see right through the lies of all the people you believe in. Sometimes, they tend to be too melodramatic There are days when they scream  to get your attention and days when you smile for no reason to be sure the world didn't hear them. Sometimes they represent the truth in your heart, sometimes they lie even to you to protect you.

Some people say: "You can lie to everyone, but yourself." - well this is a lie too. You can lie to yourself. You are trying to make a more beautiful day by saying how good things work in your life, and for a few hours if you get lucky, you actually believe this. But, at night, when you're alone you wake up from the lies. No one needs to convince you for something, but if the voices say: "fight for your dream" you better do something now that you have help. The best part of all is that is coming from the inside and may keep you going on, but you need to have some faith in your voices.

As long as they're funny and they keep you interested in a subject (usually it's one that you want to avoid but that's life) you should do something, not just sit back and listen to the voices or complain about them. And I remember how they push me when I like someone: "come on, do something... say hi, say out loud his name, say a joke, come on" and I remember how hard I try to ignore them :)) and the more I ignored them the louder they would speak, so today I'm just accepting everything. Finally, they shut up for a while. I guess they don't have anything to say for now, but I'm not going to make a big fuss about this because they can start talking any minute...

Darkness within

I think I discovered darkness. It has no face, but desire. It has no language at all, it's all in the deepest of your heart. It's no use to say "no", it's no use to say "yes" it simply stands there before you and it has no conscience. 


Darkness has no color, no end, no beginning. It doesn't embrace you, though. You embrace it with all your soul. You can chose this path, you can fool yourself it's not you who's deciding, but then, wouldn't you be a little childish? If it's not you who's making decision. who is then? Don't tell me it's God nor the Devil. Don't tell me it's your friend.


This darkness brings happiness and it fills your heart. I'm sure anyone experienced this at least one time in their lives. I guess it took me long enough to realize it's about dark, it took me long to figure it out I was the one who made the choices. It's like I would listen to my dark angel, not the one sent by God. And I want to let you know he doesn't want me to fail, he wants to see me up high with my dreams fulfilled. You may say I'm crazy, you may say I'm a satanist, but you know it's not true. You've experienced this before, even if not at the same intensity.


As I was saying, I discovered darkness, but I don't wish people to suffer. At least not all the people :) 






Happy Holidays!