Like yesterday

I know it's kind of old, but I love this song. It reminds me of things that are ending or already ended, of things that I need to run from or other that I want to run to...

It reminds me of all the people that I want to kick out of my life and of all the trouble that we go to make new friends, to keep friendships and to end them.

And last, but not least it reminds me of those love stories that you want to run from. Someone that you loved, but disappointed you and you want them out of your life.

I guess sometimes things happen, and not necessarily happy things... I don't love you like I did yesterday... And maybe as we forget to love life, friends, family, a lover, life also forgets to embrace us with joy. 

There was I time I tried to put a smile on my face nonstop, but finally my wall is down. One cannot pretend for the rest of his life. I am not made of steel. I don't regret what happened, I regret what didn't happen, I regret the opportunities I had to save people... to save me. I regret I lost a friend. I regret I lost maybe more... Lovers come and go, but friends are made to be there forever. Looks like not anymore...

Change? Really? "Haven't noticed"

2012 it's been a hell of a year! I know it's not over yet, we're only in August, but how many things could happen till now...

This year it's been "the end" for many of us, and I'm not talking here about death literally, I'm talking about failed relationships, friends lost, changes in people, changes in everything I guess. The best part is that is not over! I wanted this year to be peaceful and it was quite the opposite. Now, I think I'm prepared for the rest of it, but who knows what's about to come.

I want to thank all the people that didn't let me to know them. You have no idea what great favor you did.You know that feeling when you want to spend your time with someone (friend or future lover) and that person doesn't seem to share your interest and tries to get away from your life. Well, that is a real friend. Like this you can't say anything wrong about her, only the fact that she didn't let you in her life, but trust me, one day you'll see it's for the best. I discovered people this year, and I discovered them in a way I wish it never was, but when people choose to change, they usually go for the current trend. And it's trendy to make new friends and forget about the past ones, it's cool to lie.. to whatever. It's cool to be fake. Yeah, I guess that's the word people are embracing today: fake.

The unspoken words are called "unspoken" not because they are some sort of dangerous secret, but because when we find out the reality about someone, it's like... unexpected and it leaves you speechless. The truth does that sometimes, especially if tasted after years. It's like wine, as it gets older, it has a more of an impact on you.

You might be asking why I am talking in so many metaphors. But there are some things, that you can't say out loud without trying to make the situation sound better. It doesn't have to be so bad that you're disappointed in people, that the need to meet new people it's actually because the ones you knew are like rotten apples now (and yeah, this was pretty harsh).

Guilty

I've been asking around "why do I have to be guilty for his/her actions?", "why do I need to take the blame for his/her incapability of moving on?" The best part is that I discovered I don't.

Everyone is responsible for their actions. You are what you think. So, if your happiness is another person, and that person refuses to take that role, you have no right to blame her for your unhappiness. You have the right to say what you like, what you don't want but without stepping on someone else's free will. I thought that I was guilty for their actions. I thought I was guilty for leaving from their lives. I thought I was guilty for ending the story. But no! They are the only ones to blame for all the stubbornness in their head, for not fighting. They all say they love life, but they don't do anything to make things better.

Until tonight I've waited for their demons to come straight at my door and tell me face to face that I'm some kind of monster. This never happened of course, because I'm just a human, and I left like everyone does, and in their hearts they know it's not my fault sincerity and trust were mislead.

It's your choice to let someone into your life, your choice to get over some tragedy, your choice to make friends, to let them down, to confess your love, to shut down your feelings and so on. Your choice to blame someone else for your own faults, to feel guilty for something or to pretend you forgot.

So, beginning with tonight, I am not guilty for your depressions, for your choices, for your "never do anything and go with the flow". I hope you won't drown too much in your own heart, and I hope I won't be there if that happens, because my mood of "I care" might want to jump and save you.

A friend...

 

It's hard when you lose someone. It's even harder when that person it's closer than you ever imagined. I'm talking about friends here... That person with whom you got along so well, and now has changed. We all know how it feels for somebody not to be the same again.

 

This is my first sad post in a long time, but I guess all of you know how is it to know someone for a very long time and that person suddenly changes. Actually, not suddenly... it's just that you don't want to see it, you want to think the best of your friend. I guess everyone goes on their destiny... and some destinies aren't close. No matter the years, no matter the memories things end. You may be thinking about a past lover, but no, I'm talking about pure friendship, if some of you still know how that feels...

 

Somebody asked me "Why isn't life easy?" and I answered "So we would want to die from time to time". I guess that's the only reasonable idea why sad things happen. But I would not accept death, and in this case defeat. Losing a friend is hard, especially if you know that you can't change anything back.