You have your mind set on your goal. The only image that lies behind the stage is making you numb. Without moving, without making a sound you crawl into darkness to search just for light. As you lose yourself deeper you believe you've found it: the dream, the light, the end of the tunnel, but it's another illusion that will make you feel more nervous.
I am paralyzing the mind with poisonous thoughts. The horror of losing what I never had is slowly taking control and it invades my dreams, my vision, my judgement, everything that one can think of. Is even making fake memories of the real ones. I am paralyzing the mind with pure evil and with some songs that awake a monster in the soul.
I am listening to evidence of the dead to fill the empty holes in my heart. They say to stop, to live the life I have and they lost and then they send unclear messages for me to try to understand and after I achieve my creepy goal, they stare into my mind directly like a disease that never leaves. I love the shadows, I love the feeling that makes me think I'm not alone in my mind.
You're still searching for light in the depth of darkness, you're still hoping to see the end of all the suffering, to find peace. But what made you think there is light in my mind? Get out; it's time to stop the disease from spreading.
I know it's kind of old, but I love this song. It reminds me of things that are ending or already ended, of things that I need to run from or other that I want to run to...
It reminds me of all the people that I want to kick out of my life and of all the trouble that we go to make new friends, to keep friendships and to end them.
And last, but not least it reminds me of those love stories that you want to run from. Someone that you loved, but disappointed you and you want them out of your life.
I guess sometimes things happen, and not necessarily happy things... I don't love you like I did yesterday... And maybe as we forget to love life, friends, family, a lover, life also forgets to embrace us with joy.
There was I time I tried to put a smile on my face nonstop, but finally my wall is down. One cannot pretend for the rest of his life. I am not made of steel. I don't regret what happened, I regret what didn't happen, I regret the opportunities I had to save people... to save me. I regret I lost a friend. I regret I lost maybe more... Lovers come and go, but friends are made to be there forever. Looks like not anymore...
Hello, world. Finally I have some energy, actually I have so much that I could spend it with everyone. What I want to talk about are some little things we need to confront in life.
Let's begins with those who talk nonsense (I know I can write a whole novel about this subject, so I'll only be covering a little of it). For example, I was coming home today, and a neighbor was talking with my grandma. I knew it was better if I avoided them, but that's life. Well, my neighbor started talking about how careful I need to be in life, to learn, to find a husband, and from here begins the drama. He said that my grandma should find me a husband, a good one of course. God, I so hate this discussions. I said "good day" and I left. Normally, that's called rudeness. I call it "avoiding stupid conversations".
Today I discovered I had a song (which unfortunately I can't share because it's in Romanian) with these very interesting lyrics. It tells a story that's funny and unnecessary; very similar to one of mine. But you know that moment when destiny follows you, and when the ironic situations reappear when you least expect them. Although I don't believe in destiny: one makes his own road, sometimes things happen that trigger different emotions like: ironic laughter, sarcasm, pain, memories (worst ones), drama and of course the "I told you so" phrase (my favorite one, followed by some mad laughter).
The best moments in my life are the ones when I don't love. And right know, it's perfect. I can choose anyone I want to, I can search slowly for the right person without "the blind effect" (you know when you're in love). I'm so sorry for the ones who suffer for some guy/girl that doesn't deserve. Best advice is to move on. Live your life. Be selfish for a while.
Do you know how it's like when no one understands you? Well, they don't need to. It's enough if you understand yourself. I mean you know best why you did something and what for. You know your goal, where you want to get to. Yeah, it's hard, but that the price for being unique (but try not to fall into the superficial act).
These are all the truths I can share today. I hope so, at least. More would be... too much? I love Coke ^_^
Outside it's a lovely evening. The sun is long gone and I am losing myself in time. Memories flash back like an old movie. And some of them are not even memories at all, are my dreams.
I am waiting for summer impatiently and this night especially, and the music in my ears reminds me of freedom. Those moments when you can run, when you can hide, when you're laughing, and it doesn't matter if only one friend is beside you, it matters that you are the world. I am the world!
No matter how much you've cried, how much you've lost, you are free now! The whole world kneels before your eyes. It's one of those nights when you are happy no matter what lies ahead. The universe is looking at you with joy, and the stars are slowly appearing on the dark blue sky. Freedom is not yours. You are freedom!
No one can understand your euphoria, no one can win against your laughter, and start to imagine who knows what reason why are you like this. Only if they knew... only if they knew that you have no reason at all! It's just you escaping from reality, from this everyday nightmare. Now, you're living your own version of life.
There is no more wrong or right in the world, there is no more suffering, just art, music and beautiful meaningless words. Beside this euphoria side of yours, there is something that bothers you, but for now you have buried it deep inside. Don't let it come to light, not now that the night has just begun.
