It's hard when you lose someone. It's even harder when that person it's closer than you ever imagined. I'm talking about friends here... That person with whom you got along so well, and now has changed. We all know how it feels for somebody not to be the same again.
This is my first sad post in a long time, but I guess all of you know how is it to know someone for a very long time and that person suddenly changes. Actually, not suddenly... it's just that you don't want to see it, you want to think the best of your friend. I guess everyone goes on their destiny... and some destinies aren't close. No matter the years, no matter the memories things end. You may be thinking about a past lover, but no, I'm talking about pure friendship, if some of you still know how that feels...
Somebody asked me "Why isn't life easy?" and I answered "So we would want to die from time to time". I guess that's the only reasonable idea why sad things happen. But I would not accept death, and in this case defeat. Losing a friend is hard, especially if you know that you can't change anything back.
I'll tell you a story that I've written. Not all of it of course. There were once two vampires and they were seeking for love. Each one found a girl. The girls were not perfect, but they got along with mistakes, with joy until one day. The second vampire finds out that his love was cheating on him. She had a lover that was her actual boyfriend that lived abroad. He gets mad and kills them both. That's not called love. The first vampire thinks he's in love and gets killed by the girl that he once helped.
What I want to point out is that they didn't love each other. Their love was just casual dates with some feelings, but nothing special, nothing to last. I wanted to create a love story, but I couldn't because their relationships were too simple. I needed complicated stories and fights for this "true love" that they were so madly seeking. Later, they discover a lot of interesting things about life and that's why the story goes on. And I always keep their love life at a miserable level, so they'll never get boring.
Let me give you an example, so you would understand better. In Vampire Diaries most fans love Damon and Elena's story, but if Damon was Stefan, they would've died to see Stefan and Elena. We like to have things we can't. We say we like simple things, but we love to stay awake at night and think about our stupid complicated lives. We need to be entertained or we lose the interest. As long as Damon and Elena won't be together they'll remain the main subject, but now that Stefan can't be with Elena too, fans are changing sides, because let's face it we love the bad Stefan.
So the ugly truth is that we can't be happy just by feeling it. We need action and drama.
This summer things have changed. I learned that ghosts exists and that "forever" is a difficult promise to keep. Tomorrow school starts for me and I just want to sleep.
I discovered that my friends who needed help now they have helped themselves. Everything is fine for everyone and maybe the same. But not for me. You'll say that I'm the one who needs help, but trust me I can handle it, whatever it is, what I really need is sleep, lots of hours of sleep. I usually don't write things like this on my blog, but I got the feeling that I should.
Maybe you think I'm depressed because school starts, but it's much more than that. No, it has no connection with the ghosts that I heard... or saw or whatever. I think all this changes are coming from inside me, from my young heart that wants to fly. Last summer I flew, this summer I grew up.
"I wake up to see the morning light, oh, but there is no light. It's just an empty space filled with dust in the wind. I get up from bed and I look at the mirror. What a sad look on my face. I am beautiful, I know I am, I have no disabilities but yet I feel sad, alone and unprotected." - These are feelings of depression. These are the feelings that a person who's suffering on the inside from different reasons says such things. How can I help him or her?
I tried to say that everything has an ending and a better start, but does it really matter? No, I'm just talking in vain, I'm just helping helpless people. They say they want to be saved, but they want to fall deeper and deeper. I'm not saying you don't have a real problem, or real problems, but if you want advice you have to be prepared to fight, prepared to change things into better if you really want to go on.
I don't understand why say you want to fight when you actually want to devour all the sins in the world? When you want to die, to make people suffer, to make you suffer? Why say you're a fighter? You wanna scream your problems but you don't want to solve them. You want to just be proud to have those problems. Love it. Embrace it! Why don't you put an end to it I have no idea!
Sadness is like a waterfall... it's flowing through my veins like a river, and when it gets to its destination it just explodes in thousand of water drops that hit my face. I feel lost, but not lost in a place, lost in my own disappointments. Lost in the errors that were made by me, by someone else. It really doesn't matter. You feel your soul flooded.
I guess sadness has a connection with deception, disappointment, death, bad, break ups, lies, mistakes, but what hurts the most is when we are talking about two people, lovers, friends; it doesn't matter. But if one of them doesn't care enough then sadness can be very painful...
I don't want to talk about this. You would ask "why tell me then?" My answer is that I need to. Not because I need to tell someone, but I need you to understand how important is that you find the cause of your sadness and a possible solution. I know that in most cases it isn't one... but hope. Light an invisible candle and imagine the flame going bigger and bigger and surrounding you. The next time the waterfall will "explode" you'll be protected by the flames.
You'll ask "why give solutions to others and not to yourself?" But I have a solution and it's called "indifference". It's hard at first, but it's the best solution to a stone-heart world.
Even if you don’t believe it, the journey of our favorite “almost couple” didn’t had any hot scenes, because Elena kept her head on the ground and as they were closing to Bridgeport she kept thinking about Stefan and only Stefan.
“Have you thought what are you going to tell him when we get there?” Damon asked.
“Yes. I want to know how things stand.”
“And how do you think they stand, Elena?”
“I don’t know. That’s why we’re finding him. I need answers.”
“You said you need me.”
“You know Damon what I meant then.”
“I don’t know. Tell me, Elena, what did you mean?”
“I meant that you’re my friend and that I really needed you on this journey and I’m grateful, Damon, for what you did for me.”
“What I did? I killed Jeremy, I killed Vicky, I hurt Bonnie in the past. What I did for you, Elena?”
“You sacrificed yourself for me. Like a few days ago… like when I and…”
“Stefan are together?” Damon continued. “Why do you believe I should sacrifice myself then when you have Stefan by your side?”
“Damon, you know what I mean. This journey must be hard for you.”
“Actually I’m enjoying it. After all, I am alone with you.” He smiled one of his killer smiles.
After a while he had to stop the car. In front of them was a figure. Elena didn’t even think about it. She came out of the car without thinking and she hugged the man. Damon was shouting that she should be careful, but he knew too. They knew the man who appeared from nowhere was Stefan.
“Stefan, my love! I’ve missed you so much!” Elena cried.
He remained still, he didn’t hugged her back, he just stared in front. He stared at the car, or who knows if he actually was seeing something.
“Stefan? Talk to me, Stefan!”
“You and Damon should head back to Mystic Falls. You have nothing to do here, for the moment.” Stefan said harshly.
“And why we should do that?” Damon asked before Elena could say something.
“Because these lands are dangerous.”
“And you’ll let Elena get hurt?”
“Never! That’s why I’m telling you to leave. Now everything’s changed.”
“Stefan, why don’t you look at me?” Elena asked through the tears.
He just smiled and looked at Damon and made a sign with his hand that Damon should leave with Elena.
“Do you trust me little brother?”
“With what?”
“To be alone with her? You know, if you’re out of the picture I might actually do things.”
“Do whatever you want.” Stefan said. “But don’t touch Elena!”
“So you still care. Why don’t you return?”
“Damon, things got complicated. You should be happy. We don’t owe each other anything anymore.”
“C’mon Stefan. We’re not talking about us. We’re talking about Elena, here. Don’t you have anything to say about it?”
“No.” Stefan said calmly.
“Stefan what’s happening? You know you can trust me.” Elena said.
“Not much. I’m bad now as you can see. Oh, and I enjoy it.”
“Have you killed anyone?”
“Yes, Elena. I have. What’s that look on your face, Damon? Didn’t you wanted me to come to the dark side? Now, we’re brothers. You can be proud.”
“Elena, I think we should go.” Damon said.
“I’m not going anywhere! Can’t you see what they’ve done to him?”
“I think they done a beautiful job. Now I can embrace my nature. Finally.”
“Stefan, you talk like the old Damon, just a little exaggerated. We know it’s not you who’s talking.”
“Then who is it? Me?” Klaus asked coming from behind Stefan.
“You could’ve compelled him.” Damon said.
“And where would all the fun remain?” Klaus laughed. “Think whatever you want, but Stefan is free like a bird.”
“In a cage?” Damon challenged him.
“That’s why you end up dying, Damon. Even if you’re his older brother, Stefan is smarter than you. He doesn’t say stupid things that are crossing his mind.”
Today it rained a lot. Rain reminds me of sad days. The sky was so dark, unclear and the wind whispering rain drops felt like it was almost hitting me. And I wanted to stay outside in the wet weather and feel the cold water. But I didn't do it. I always liked rain and at the same time I hated it. Strange feelings came in my mind.
I am wandering in this world now, and it's only me. Yes, I'm the only person left of this planet! Have you ever thought of that? Never crossed my mind, just hundreds of times! What I would do first? I would try to contact anyone. See if that's actually true. I'll open my computer and I will log on in every possible site that I know of and try to find someone. If I don't get an answer, I'll run in the streets and scream "Can anybody hear me?". But nobody will hear me after all. Then, I'll go to friends' houses, and see if they are there, but of course, they won't be.
Am I going insane? No, I'm just alone. I can do whatever I want. I can visit every country. I can own thousand cars, houses, hotels, cities, everything now is mine. I can even eat free whatever and whenever I want. Isn't now boring? No, not at all. But I'm still thinking about finding someone else. But what if I won't like that "someone"? Maybe for the moment, it's better not to find anyone at all.
I keep wandering the streets, eating ice-cream, running free and I am heading to the pet-shop! How come I didn't think of this before? I want a dog to accompany me in this journey. I don't want to be alone!
P.S. Did you ever think of being the last person in this world? Wouldn't it be fun? At least until you get insane :)
