TWWY:Lying to be perfect

 

The War with Yourself: "Lying to be perfect" (the movie of course) is a beautiful way of standing up to everyday challenges. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I will tell you a little about it. It's about a girl who's fat and has this bad opinion of herself. She is a very good writer and works at a magazine, but she can't progress because she doesn't have a pretty face and body. So she creates this character, Belinda Apple (she uses an image of herself on Photoshop) and suddenly she gets very popular and gets to publish book. The only problem is that she has to make a public appearance at the book party, and unfortunately you can't photoshop yourself in reality. If you want to know the whole story, watch the movie. You won't regret it. 

Now, I don't know what problems do you have, but the story made me realize that it doesn't matter how you look, how old are you or where do you come from. What matters is how you let people talk to you. If you have low self-esteem you tend to accept when people tell you that you're not good enough. That, I think, is the worst someone can do: believe that they can't. There are a lot of talented people who don't know their value. There a lot of normal people who think they don't deserve this, that. Well, let me tell you: you don't need to lie to be perfect. You ought to do the things you feel, and if you fancy something, you have a person that inspires you, well let that inspiration make you feel good. You don't need to become someone else. I'm sure your friends are happy with yourself. It's you who's got to accept that this is your life and if you want to fight for it, then do it. What are you waiting for?

I don't have low self-esteem, I got over that problem a long time ago. Not that I was imperfect ever, it's just that I couldn't see the perfection in me. Everyone has that in their own unique way. You know well that beauty is seen differently in different eyes. So is perfection. Everybody keeps saying that first you need to love yourself. Let me tell you something. Yeah, you can have a boyfriend/girlfriend, a perfect life but if you don't love yourself, if you don't respect yourself, all of these are a lie and sooner or later everything in which you don't believe will go away. I want to share an experience of mine, but I don't want to let anyone to know who I'm talking about (anyway you can't because... well because you can't, I'm not giving any clues). I just can tell you that once I met someone (unfortunately a lot of people like this) and this person didn't love herself. She was beautiful and talented but she needed someone to tell her that. Of course, we all need to be praised from time to time, but to achieve something you actually need to believe in yourself. Well, this friend of mine had so much opportunities, and luck, and God, her life was perfect! And she couldn't see it. My friends always said they want to be in her place, and I wanted to for a time, I got to admit. But she didn't knew her value, so all her talents and her beauty faded away. I'm not saying she's some "crazy bitch" right now, I'm just saying when you see her you see just gray. Just like a shadow that wanders and can't be taken to her real value. I couldn't do anything to make her realize she's worth a lot more than she's thinking, but I guess some people don't want to be saved. She didn't have ambition, not even a bit, that was her biggest flaw. But, you, everyone has it, because is the main law of survival: you keep fighting because you want to get to a point: personal satisfaction. The ones who don't want to fight for themselves are a little weird... in the bad weird way, not funny. I mean, who can be pleased with their unpleasant life? If it doesn't make you feel good, you want to change it, right?

Being always happy is a hard thing to do, trying to keep going - the same, but what matters is that you're feeling good, and when you're down there is always a song that makes you feel better, always a friend to make a silly face or tell a funny joke (if you have any sense of humor, which I hope you have). The point is, there is always a way, you just have to follow it. And yeah, it's going to be hard sometimes, and you'll need help from friends, computer, games, music, life itself, but it's going to be worth it. You'll get to a point where you are pleased with yourself, with people around you and then, you'll set your next goal. And we all know how good it feels to have achieved something. Always keep in mind that what you want matters, and if others tell you can't do it, it's because they would be afraid to do it in your place. And if they are experts in that area they're afraid you'll be better.

P.S. Yeah, the song is intentionally chosen. You can! Good luck ^_^

Today I learnt

 

Today I learnt that experience has to be shared. I met a one of the million people that want to change the world, but to do that money is needed. And a lot of it if you want to do something good. Of course, there are situations and situations.

The main point is to go for your dreams. No matter how silly they seem. Someday you'll look back at the time that passed and you'll wonder why you didn't do anything when you had the chance. Time doesn't wait, and it feels like years pass faster and faster.

We all began a lot of things and we never finished them. For some of them we didn't even had the courage to make the first step. You don't need to see the whole stairs. Now I know that, and what matters is that life doesn't go backwards. If you want to do something about the past change your present. Don't think too much in the future because that is also losing yourself.

I'm finally done with all the exams, and I am sad. I am sad because a whole novel has ended. Another will begin shortly, but right now I'm not ready. I need to relive some of the past events, the ones that made me happy. I want to remember all the friendships, all the gossip, all the adventures. It feels now that all moments when I felt down had so simple solutions. Everything was just a story that I had the chance to write it at my own will, and yet I didn't see anything in front of me.

I am not sorry for the decisions I made, and I wouldn't turn back time to change anything, I would only return to do something more, to achieve more memories in all this time.

When something is ending, always something else will begin, but before the end make sure to have done everything you wanted until now. But, still, if you didn't, remember to take advantage of future situations.

Today I learnt a chapter of your life isn't over until you're disconnected from all the things that binds you to it.  When it's time you're not afraid anymore, and you go on your own road, and looking back makes you feel proud that you achieved something and at same time it makes you sad because those moments are unique, they are not coming back.

TWWY: Life

I think this is the last part of TWWY(The War With Yourself). About life in general, there are a lot of things to talk about. I don't know if you're in the mood of reading all these crazy ideas that we all know surround us. 

situation "A": Your parents control your life. If that's the case, you kind of have a problem. But, usually in this situation there are certain advantages that other don't have: maybe they don't let you go out much but they buy you a cool audio system (for example) or something similar. Maybe they let you call your friends at home a lot. My advice is to find an advantage and take the credit for it. 

situation "B": You feel like you don't have any real friends. Well, then you have a serious problem. It's hard to know there isn't anyone to give you a friendly hug, a person with whom you can be sincere but I'm sure you know better than me what's it like. Good people are all over the world, even if you don't believe me. You can find a friend from another country, you can share all the secrets without the fear that he'll tell, but one day this won't be enough. Time to get out in the world, alone, and search for a sincere person who would like to spend time with you. It's going to be a long ride, because friendship doesn't form in a few days or weeks, sometimes it takes only a few months, sometimes it needs years. If you're part of a group (even at work) it's good to see if you can have a special connection with someone around there, because it's good to share most of your time with a friend with whom you have the same interests. I could talk all day about friendship, but if this part of your life is missing you better do something now, because later you'll regret. Oh, and you can keep your fake friends too, they're good when you are bored at home and don't have anyone to go out with.

situation "C": A lot of things are happening in your life. You're an over-dramatic person or you don't have a choice but to be one. You make a scandal even out of your smallest problem. Make a list of the things that are ok in your life, and the ones that are not, and change anything you like slowly, without telling everyone a thousand times a day what is happening or what happened. I'm talking here about the people who want to change this lifestyle. And, if you have a life like in Gossip Girl, then, my sincerest congratulations, because you have an interesting life that's filled with a lot of events, and people and friends, and love and everything you wish for or not. If you're like this crazy girl/boy with a lot of popularity and you think you got bored of it, trust me, you're not yet. It takes a lot to imagine the perfect life in the perfect conditions without getting bored, but the hardest part is to actually live it. So, even if you're exaggerating things what matters if you're living them.

That's the problem with people: they don't know when to stop dreaming and start living. So, no matter who you are, what you think you are, live for the dream! And trust me, when you want something there is nothing that can stop you, but your own personality and thoughts. So, if you want to blame someone, the only "criminal" is you.

There is a quote from Dollhouse, a very interesting TV series that says: "She's living the dream." "Whose dream?" "Who's next." Make sure you're living your dream and not anyone's else.

TWWY: Career

I'm not a psychologist so I can give you advice. If I'd be one, you would be the one who'll talk and I will just listen. Therefore, it's your choice what you learn from here, if you learn, or if you disagree with me.

 Now let's return to The War With Yourself and let's talk about something pretty important: career.


situation "A": You don't know what you should do in your life. You have all these talents, but everything bores you fast, or you feel like you don't have any talents at all. In other words, you like many things but not enough to do one of them for a lifetime. There are tests you can take and find the right answer for you, and I recommend you should take one; even if it's just a game on the internet, because that's when you'll know the result.And the answer for you may be so wrong, you'll say that the path they tell you to choose has nothing to do with your life. And that's the moment when you'll realize what answer you were expecting. I took one of these tests, and they told me I'd be a great writer, yeah that's true, but I was so desperate in knowing if I'd be a great in working with computers. I liked both things very much, but I think the writing part will be just a hobby, or something extra, and my real career will have something to do with computers. Anyway, enough about me, in your heart you'll expect an answer. And no matter the result, you should do what you feel it's right for you.

situation "B": You don't want to do anything, you don't like anything. Well, this one is kind of complicated. One thing is when you have an option or more, but another is when you feel like you have none. In everyday life you like going to a certain place, doing something. Maybe you feel like you're just messing around, but could be an answer. For example, you like long walks: maybe you can become a touristic guide. Or maybe you like playing computer games: you can be a programmer, game designer, sound technician. There a thousand options to choose from, you just need to see them. And if you realize you don't like something, change it. As long as you're living it's never too late, no matter the age. In this situation you need to discover yourself.

situation "C": You're going on a single way because your parents told you so. If you don't like the path they already chose for you, change it. No matter the consequences, the worst thing is to be stuck your entire life with something you really don't like. It becomes too depressing in time. It's your life, your choices, your consequences, your results. Whatever your friends or parents don't like it's their problem. Maybe they have good intentions, but you don't like a career you shouldn't do it. First of all, you could be much better at something else, and secondly, it's so painful to go to work everyday and hate it. You'll fail not only in your career, but in your personal life too, because you'll be too stressed. Of course, there are cases when you begin to like something you hated, but if you're not sure you're one of them, better do something else. 

TWWY: Love

Remember what I said about The War With Yourself=TWWY? Well, last time I kind of given you some theories. They work, but you may want to know about the problems you'll face.

The fact that you need to change some habits it's not so easy. I recommended an social life so you don't fall on depression. But eventually you will anyway. Then you'll read the other post, and you won't find any advice from it anymore. Everything will be superficial. Well, I told you is not going to be a smooth road. You need to set a goal, but if you're not sure what you should do, what's the best decision, well, then, things are getting complicated. It's dangerous to let life choose. Sometimes it works, but just going with the flow may not lead you to the best place.

Let's take some specific examples: love. Read this only if you have problems. And if you don't know me, because if you do, I don't what you to take anything personal... Whatever.


situation "A":You're in love with someone and you can't forget him/her (I'll just use him from now on, because it's kind of weird to put both every time, but you imagine your specific case). Think that if this love is poisoning, you need to respect yourself. You need to understand that there are billions of people, and there isn't just one right for you; there are many. And you can meet them all, you can be stuck on choosing, but remember: you always have a choice, always. But I'm afraid that 90% of them depend on you. And if you like: oh, I'll never forget him because he was so perfect... etc. Then, why did he leave? Why did he do that and that if he's perfect? Same thing goes for yourself. If you're not perfect, why would you crave for that person? I'm not trying to say that you're less than someone, I'm trying to make you understand that if you want a change in your life, you need to make different things. You can't expect an improvement in your love life, if you're just taking the same decisions. You can't begin something if you just say you will.

situation "B": You like many persons, and you don't know whom to choose from. My advice, a hypocrite one (if you still consider yourself a totally sincere person), would be to choose them all. Not at once, of course, but this life is filled with different roads, and if you can try as many as you can, why not? Yeah, you may suffer and all, but no matter what you choose you'll suffer eventually. Tell me if I'm wrong. But, if you want just one of them, you should look in your heart and see who you love the most. If every one of them looks right, you should investigate better: one of three apples is definitely rotten. Maybe I'm wrong with the apples, but with people never. You know you chose right when you're fully happy, when you don't care about other things, when you're ready to face the problems that will come (at least at the beginning). You can make a list of the qualities and flaws of each person, but you know no matter if one has many qualities than the others, what is important is how you feel with a certain person. The right choice may be wrong for others, so I'm afraid friends can't help much. I was advised by friends, and they wished me the best, but what mattered was in my heart, not in theirs. That's why when you ask someone what he things about your problem, they'll always tell you their choices, not yours, or they'll just tell you to choose by yourself. Good luck. Even if the road isn't easy, you usually figure it out anyway. So, don't worry too much.

situation "C": You don't have anyone in your life. If you're down on yourself, let me tell you without any resentment: you're a fool. Remember how ugly people have a cool guy/girl as a boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, these ugly persons don't feel ugly at all. And they don't send to the opposite sex that they're ugly. On the contrary I'd say. Everyone is special in their own way. You probably heard this like a million times, but I'm sure you have moments when you look in the mirror and you love yourself way too much. Or you see others who are full of themselves and you hate them. But did you stop to ask yourself if you hate them because they don't care much about others, or because they have confidence and they walk in a room knowing what they value? Yeah, they may exaggerate a little (more), but they let opportunities come to them because they think they deserve it. You should think the same. As you may have noticed, in this situation I talked about you, not the other mysterious person. That's because you are the problem here. To be more specific, your attitude. You may think: who is this person who dares to tell me what to think? But, I'm not here to do that. It's your choice if you want to change something or not. If you like the results until now, then that's perfect. If not, you should do something. May not feel right at first, but "something" is always better than "nothing". 

P.S. Wicked or not, it's still love^_^ What is yours counts. What you want to be yours must be clear in your mind.

The war with yourself

 

You want to do something, to achieve a goal, to start a new activity, whatever. You make a plan about you should do for your change. On the first everything goes smoothly, but then the next days, you don't have that much ambition and you feel like you want to give up. 

Well, as much as I hate to say it: you're your own enemy. You're fighting between the part that says "come on, get up, do that now" and the part that says "why should you change anything?you'll feel better if you don't do anything". You seriously need to do something about the second part.

Changes are good, but you need to be receptive to the idea that in the beginning is going to be hard to make that change become a habit. What you need is a specific plan among some things that you should remember. First of all, when you want let's say to start tomorrow learning at biology(for example), well you prepare your pen, pencil, you set your alarm clock at the desired hour, you take an empty notebook and you prepare your books. You don't just say "I'll learn starting tomorrow" because that's vague and as you know already: you won't do anything. You'll just watch movies or play games, whatever you're doing in your free time. Secondly, you have to remember that the beginning isn't easy, you need to fight the you that doesn't want to get out of his comfort zone. Think about the final result. Think that if you want to get there you need to put a little effort in what you're doing now. 

The war with yourself doesn't begin and doesn't stop here. It's another problem when you're feeling depressed. That slows you down in everything you do, no matter if you want to have fun or to read a book. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're not feeling well. Everyone has there ups and downs. The big difference is between the ones who want to do something about it and the ones who don't. Listen to a song. Call a friend that makes funny jokes and makes you feel better. Do something you like until you feel better. Don't say it's impossible, because if you want it, everything good can be possible. 

The biggest enemy in your life is you, and maybe you're sick of hearing this, but accepting this truth is the key to understand how can the good part in you win. Knowing yourself is the best weapon. And don't forget that your attitude counts, so if you want to live at your full potential accept change and don't think low on yourself because that will only slow you down.

I know I haven't been discussing this until now, but it seemed a good subject, as it covers many problems with ourselves. Reaching perfection is a foolish thought, but reaching what you really want is the perfect reality.

Secret love

If such thing would exist, would you cherish it? Would you fight to protect your secret love?

You find yourself walking alone on a road. You don't know where you're going but you keep walking. The sky is cloudy and you keep your look down. You pray to god for a sign and a few minutes later it begins to rain.You don't understand what this means. Should you go on to this lonely road or should you do something different?

You keep walking in the rain when she comes, the girl of your dreams. She changes everything. She brings back the sun, she gives your world color, and she makes you have a purpose. You want to be with her, you wish to be happy. You keep hidden this love, because you're afraid it will fall apart. You would write a novel about happiness now and there's nothing in this world you can't achieve. The world is yours.

You live a beautiful love story for some time. But then, you wake up one day and the sky is cloudy again. You don't understand why. You ask an angel because now you can talk to them. The angel tells you that the magic has faded away. "Why?", "Because things can be the same all the time. Eventually someone gets bored or the mechanism simply stops working." The angel responded.

You watch silently as she goes away. The world starts falling apart again.You wake up to reality and you realize there's only one thing you forgot to appreciate in life: yourself. You tried to find everything in someone else and all this time all you had to do was look at yourself and then  A new chapter begins... and you still can't understand: what does it matter after all?