Words are beyond

 

You know when you have that feeling that you have to do something really big. When the moment calls you and only you. I may confuse you right now, but you have to admit there are so many great moments there when words are beyond understanding. They are so unnecessary that by talking you are ruining your own dream. 

It happens sometimes to find happiness. And it happens then to find difficulty. But "in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" (Albert Einstein); I know he's a physician and mathematician and you probably hate both subjects, but he was right. When you are alone and sad you wake up in the morning you never expected and receive a big opportunity. There are various situations which differ and I'm sure most of you say I'm not right, but someday you will see what I see almost everyday: light besides the shadows.

Words are necessary though and when discovering a person they are beyond everything else. Sometimes one word explains it all: the love, the pain, the suffering, the rain, the sun, the happiness, the lies, the truth, the sacrifices, the cowardliness... And I put your words before everything else. It's a difficult task, but I suppose you are ready for it.

Come back

Writing has been all I had since the moment I grew up enough to know the world that I was living in. I have abandoned this blog, not because I hadn't visitors, but because I never felt the connection with them. What has made me come back is actually a dream, a dream I had a long time ago and I want to live it, finally.

Some time will pass until I will accomplish my dream, but I will because I have put all my thoughts into it and I'm going to continue to do so.

Blogs are personal, and here you are going to find advice, sadness, happiness and the thoughts that I wanted to share with the world. I started this thinking I could make the world a better place, but then I let darker emotions drag me out from my previous goal. I will take care of this blog and whomever is reading and has come back to see the news: welcome back. 

This time I promise I will not leave for so many months because I have a lot on my mind to share with you and I will continue to do so.

I'll miss you, Summer

Summer ended today, maybe. For many of us it ended yesterday, but for me I'm not sure yet. It didn't feel like autumn. And it's not going to feel no matter if my hands and feet are cold at night, or if at eight o'clock gets dark. In my mind summer it's still going to be there just for another month.

Of course I didn't get to do everything I planned, but at least I'm free now. I can do whatever I want. It's not like I have something in mind, actually I gave up some of my plans. Not worth it :)) I guess we all find ourselves in the position to realize something's not worth fighting for. 

I didn't get a chance to say hello to summer properly, and I'm not sure if I want to say goodbye. I read somewhere (actually on facebook) that the worst thing is to get a glimpse of chance just to realize you're fooling yourself. I disagree. When chasing a dream, no matter if you achieve it, if you can fight even a little, even for nothing it's worth it. Yeah, maybe some things are better off where they are, but until you try you never know what's best. 

Things happen for a reason - no. It's just time that passes fast and some situations that connect, the rest is as special or mundane as you let it be. If you want to learn something from it, it's your decision. Of course, we often choose to forget, to let go...

I try not to believe in destiny, because it doesn't always go the way you want it, and if you're convinced something should happen and it doesn't, you might fall of track.

Dreams

 

I can change destinies. I can be God. I can answer all their questions, I can be the Devil, I can be everything and nothing at the same time. That's what does a writer. That feeling, that power is amazing. Too sad in real life doesn't go like that. Too bad I'm just a character in the play of life. Having no control sometimes is hard.

Stories always helped me go on, because I would write about something exciting, impossible and yet a solution out of everything comes at the end of the story. It's hard to deal with reality, but combined with imagination and dreaming you get a great mix. There was this night when I thought I knew everything. I have been having questions for a long time, too many questions I'd say... and suddenly I got all the answers I needed. I was God for a few hours.

I said then that dreams are really coming true when the stars light the sky. The detail that I missed was that the stars that we see are already dead. So, what we see on the big sky at night are just some colored dead space material. So are dreams sometimes; dead for a long time... It's us that refuse to see it, it's me that says things are better later than never. And maybe they are, or I just saw another star...

Today I learnt

 

Today I learnt that experience has to be shared. I met a one of the million people that want to change the world, but to do that money is needed. And a lot of it if you want to do something good. Of course, there are situations and situations.

The main point is to go for your dreams. No matter how silly they seem. Someday you'll look back at the time that passed and you'll wonder why you didn't do anything when you had the chance. Time doesn't wait, and it feels like years pass faster and faster.

We all began a lot of things and we never finished them. For some of them we didn't even had the courage to make the first step. You don't need to see the whole stairs. Now I know that, and what matters is that life doesn't go backwards. If you want to do something about the past change your present. Don't think too much in the future because that is also losing yourself.

I'm finally done with all the exams, and I am sad. I am sad because a whole novel has ended. Another will begin shortly, but right now I'm not ready. I need to relive some of the past events, the ones that made me happy. I want to remember all the friendships, all the gossip, all the adventures. It feels now that all moments when I felt down had so simple solutions. Everything was just a story that I had the chance to write it at my own will, and yet I didn't see anything in front of me.

I am not sorry for the decisions I made, and I wouldn't turn back time to change anything, I would only return to do something more, to achieve more memories in all this time.

When something is ending, always something else will begin, but before the end make sure to have done everything you wanted until now. But, still, if you didn't, remember to take advantage of future situations.

Today I learnt a chapter of your life isn't over until you're disconnected from all the things that binds you to it.  When it's time you're not afraid anymore, and you go on your own road, and looking back makes you feel proud that you achieved something and at same time it makes you sad because those moments are unique, they are not coming back.

Darkness within

I think I discovered darkness. It has no face, but desire. It has no language at all, it's all in the deepest of your heart. It's no use to say "no", it's no use to say "yes" it simply stands there before you and it has no conscience. 


Darkness has no color, no end, no beginning. It doesn't embrace you, though. You embrace it with all your soul. You can chose this path, you can fool yourself it's not you who's deciding, but then, wouldn't you be a little childish? If it's not you who's making decision. who is then? Don't tell me it's God nor the Devil. Don't tell me it's your friend.


This darkness brings happiness and it fills your heart. I'm sure anyone experienced this at least one time in their lives. I guess it took me long enough to realize it's about dark, it took me long to figure it out I was the one who made the choices. It's like I would listen to my dark angel, not the one sent by God. And I want to let you know he doesn't want me to fail, he wants to see me up high with my dreams fulfilled. You may say I'm crazy, you may say I'm a satanist, but you know it's not true. You've experienced this before, even if not at the same intensity.


As I was saying, I discovered darkness, but I don't wish people to suffer. At least not all the people :) 






Happy Holidays!

Wanting the impossible

It's not about love, it's not about envy, not even about hatred, it's all just about wanting one cannot have, the impossible. It attracts you to the dark side, to doing immoral things, who knows...


You find yourself today saying that you have everything you want, but still, you want more. You're curious why? First, because it's exciting, second because it's challenging, and third because, well, you don't have something and wouldn't be such a bad idea to have it. 


The impossible wants you to have it so badly, why refuse the opportunity, the fight of having it all, of reaching perfection? But we both know that there is no such thing as perfection. Want to seek for it? Be my guest, but do not say you were not warned that it's an interminable road with no destination. Has anyone achieved the perfect life? If so, I'd like to know that story.


Dreams... what are dreams for? They help you set goals, but after you achieved those, you will dream more. And those dreams are deceiving, they make you believe you have to fight for them, but if you do, you'll lose it all. Let me give you an example so you can understand better what I'm saying. Let's say you have a successful career. You're an architect, but you've discovered recently that writing is one of your hidden talents. You start writing novels and give up your current job. No one acclaims you for your work pieces because there are a lot of people who write books and the society doesn't need you on this domain. You've just lost your perfect job because of a new dream, new desire. You need to separate these categories of dreams. 


It's your choice in the end, your risk, but time and life do not forgive.