If I were to tell you the truth, it would be a sad story. It would be the aspect of life when you have to wake up to reality. The moment when you realize how fragile can be destiny. How many people care and how many more don't. If I were to tell you how much it hurts that you can't turn back time and make a different decision then, and not now when it's too late. Someone said "better later, then never". And yeah, it's better, but where do we find so much power to start over again? Where is the candle that never stops burning? Where is the image of the future you, the you that has won the battle? Let me answer this question. He's in the future. Yeah, may sound foolish, but you are living now. Actually you are avoiding living now. This moment is the one that you're missing. How can you move further if you're stuck on today? Today will become yesterday. And so many yesterdays that follow you that make you live either in the past, either in the future. Where is your present? If we were to think about others' problems we'd say "how easy is to solve that", and may be right but that person doesn't see it as we don't see our solution in front of our eyes. There is the answer and it's in desperate need to be found. You know what's the most impossible wish? To have never been born, this is the definition of the impossible. The rest are details.
Hello, world. Finally I have some energy, actually I have so much that I could spend it with everyone. What I want to talk about are some little things we need to confront in life.
Let's begins with those who talk nonsense (I know I can write a whole novel about this subject, so I'll only be covering a little of it). For example, I was coming home today, and a neighbor was talking with my grandma. I knew it was better if I avoided them, but that's life. Well, my neighbor started talking about how careful I need to be in life, to learn, to find a husband, and from here begins the drama. He said that my grandma should find me a husband, a good one of course. God, I so hate this discussions. I said "good day" and I left. Normally, that's called rudeness. I call it "avoiding stupid conversations".
Today I discovered I had a song (which unfortunately I can't share because it's in Romanian) with these very interesting lyrics. It tells a story that's funny and unnecessary; very similar to one of mine. But you know that moment when destiny follows you, and when the ironic situations reappear when you least expect them. Although I don't believe in destiny: one makes his own road, sometimes things happen that trigger different emotions like: ironic laughter, sarcasm, pain, memories (worst ones), drama and of course the "I told you so" phrase (my favorite one, followed by some mad laughter).
The best moments in my life are the ones when I don't love. And right know, it's perfect. I can choose anyone I want to, I can search slowly for the right person without "the blind effect" (you know when you're in love). I'm so sorry for the ones who suffer for some guy/girl that doesn't deserve. Best advice is to move on. Live your life. Be selfish for a while.
Do you know how it's like when no one understands you? Well, they don't need to. It's enough if you understand yourself. I mean you know best why you did something and what for. You know your goal, where you want to get to. Yeah, it's hard, but that the price for being unique (but try not to fall into the superficial act).
These are all the truths I can share today. I hope so, at least. More would be... too much? I love Coke ^_^
I've been asking around "why do I have to be guilty for his/her actions?", "why do I need to take the blame for his/her incapability of moving on?" The best part is that I discovered I don't.
Everyone is responsible for their actions. You are what you think. So, if your happiness is another person, and that person refuses to take that role, you have no right to blame her for your unhappiness. You have the right to say what you like, what you don't want but without stepping on someone else's free will. I thought that I was guilty for their actions. I thought I was guilty for leaving from their lives. I thought I was guilty for ending the story. But no! They are the only ones to blame for all the stubbornness in their head, for not fighting. They all say they love life, but they don't do anything to make things better.
Until tonight I've waited for their demons to come straight at my door and tell me face to face that I'm some kind of monster. This never happened of course, because I'm just a human, and I left like everyone does, and in their hearts they know it's not my fault sincerity and trust were mislead.
It's your choice to let someone into your life, your choice to get over some tragedy, your choice to make friends, to let them down, to confess your love, to shut down your feelings and so on. Your choice to blame someone else for your own faults, to feel guilty for something or to pretend you forgot.
So, beginning with tonight, I am not guilty for your depressions, for your choices, for your "never do anything and go with the flow". I hope you won't drown too much in your own heart, and I hope I won't be there if that happens, because my mood of "I care" might want to jump and save you.
It's hard when you lose someone. It's even harder when that person it's closer than you ever imagined. I'm talking about friends here... That person with whom you got along so well, and now has changed. We all know how it feels for somebody not to be the same again.
This is my first sad post in a long time, but I guess all of you know how is it to know someone for a very long time and that person suddenly changes. Actually, not suddenly... it's just that you don't want to see it, you want to think the best of your friend. I guess everyone goes on their destiny... and some destinies aren't close. No matter the years, no matter the memories things end. You may be thinking about a past lover, but no, I'm talking about pure friendship, if some of you still know how that feels...
Somebody asked me "Why isn't life easy?" and I answered "So we would want to die from time to time". I guess that's the only reasonable idea why sad things happen. But I would not accept death, and in this case defeat. Losing a friend is hard, especially if you know that you can't change anything back.
Maybe this idea is old, and kind of boring, for those who have a peaceful love life, but for those who don't, you'll be enchanted.
In my life I don't know if it happened to love 2 guys at the same time and at the same intensity (that's what we're talking about). But if I did that, I guess it would be horrible. I know for sure they would be different persons, they would be both funny and smart and would have something that attracts me.
An old saying (Johnny Depp) tells you that you should choose the second one, because if you truly loved the first one you wouldn't fall for the second guy/girl. But, we all know things aren't so simple. It's out of my reach to understand such a situation, but it's possible that you don't love any of them, and your heart is just messing around. I can't say choose that person, or the other one. In your heart I think you know if you're ready to choose one of them, if you can begin a sincere relationship, or if you want things to stay like this.
Love is a complicated phenomenon and it's hard to predict who's worth it or not. The only solution could be, if you really don't know who to choose, to take some stupid test about this situation of yours. You'll already know what answer you're expecting, so I guess that should be your choice. Here everything is unpredictable and that's the fun of it. Good luck, my friend, on whomever you choose ^_^
The War with Yourself: "Lying to be perfect" (the movie of course) is a beautiful way of standing up to everyday challenges. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I will tell you a little about it. It's about a girl who's fat and has this bad opinion of herself. She is a very good writer and works at a magazine, but she can't progress because she doesn't have a pretty face and body. So she creates this character, Belinda Apple (she uses an image of herself on Photoshop) and suddenly she gets very popular and gets to publish book. The only problem is that she has to make a public appearance at the book party, and unfortunately you can't photoshop yourself in reality. If you want to know the whole story, watch the movie. You won't regret it.
Now, I don't know what problems do you have, but the story made me realize that it doesn't matter how you look, how old are you or where do you come from. What matters is how you let people talk to you. If you have low self-esteem you tend to accept when people tell you that you're not good enough. That, I think, is the worst someone can do: believe that they can't. There are a lot of talented people who don't know their value. There a lot of normal people who think they don't deserve this, that. Well, let me tell you: you don't need to lie to be perfect. You ought to do the things you feel, and if you fancy something, you have a person that inspires you, well let that inspiration make you feel good. You don't need to become someone else. I'm sure your friends are happy with yourself. It's you who's got to accept that this is your life and if you want to fight for it, then do it. What are you waiting for?
I don't have low self-esteem, I got over that problem a long time ago. Not that I was imperfect ever, it's just that I couldn't see the perfection in me. Everyone has that in their own unique way. You know well that beauty is seen differently in different eyes. So is perfection. Everybody keeps saying that first you need to love yourself. Let me tell you something. Yeah, you can have a boyfriend/girlfriend, a perfect life but if you don't love yourself, if you don't respect yourself, all of these are a lie and sooner or later everything in which you don't believe will go away. I want to share an experience of mine, but I don't want to let anyone to know who I'm talking about (anyway you can't because... well because you can't, I'm not giving any clues). I just can tell you that once I met someone (unfortunately a lot of people like this) and this person didn't love herself. She was beautiful and talented but she needed someone to tell her that. Of course, we all need to be praised from time to time, but to achieve something you actually need to believe in yourself. Well, this friend of mine had so much opportunities, and luck, and God, her life was perfect! And she couldn't see it. My friends always said they want to be in her place, and I wanted to for a time, I got to admit. But she didn't knew her value, so all her talents and her beauty faded away. I'm not saying she's some "crazy bitch" right now, I'm just saying when you see her you see just gray. Just like a shadow that wanders and can't be taken to her real value. I couldn't do anything to make her realize she's worth a lot more than she's thinking, but I guess some people don't want to be saved. She didn't have ambition, not even a bit, that was her biggest flaw. But, you, everyone has it, because is the main law of survival: you keep fighting because you want to get to a point: personal satisfaction. The ones who don't want to fight for themselves are a little weird... in the bad weird way, not funny. I mean, who can be pleased with their unpleasant life? If it doesn't make you feel good, you want to change it, right?
Being always happy is a hard thing to do, trying to keep going - the same, but what matters is that you're feeling good, and when you're down there is always a song that makes you feel better, always a friend to make a silly face or tell a funny joke (if you have any sense of humor, which I hope you have). The point is, there is always a way, you just have to follow it. And yeah, it's going to be hard sometimes, and you'll need help from friends, computer, games, music, life itself, but it's going to be worth it. You'll get to a point where you are pleased with yourself, with people around you and then, you'll set your next goal. And we all know how good it feels to have achieved something. Always keep in mind that what you want matters, and if others tell you can't do it, it's because they would be afraid to do it in your place. And if they are experts in that area they're afraid you'll be better.
P.S. Yeah, the song is intentionally chosen. You can! Good luck ^_^
Today I learnt that experience has to be shared. I met a one of the million people that want to change the world, but to do that money is needed. And a lot of it if you want to do something good. Of course, there are situations and situations.
The main point is to go for your dreams. No matter how silly they seem. Someday you'll look back at the time that passed and you'll wonder why you didn't do anything when you had the chance. Time doesn't wait, and it feels like years pass faster and faster.
We all began a lot of things and we never finished them. For some of them we didn't even had the courage to make the first step. You don't need to see the whole stairs. Now I know that, and what matters is that life doesn't go backwards. If you want to do something about the past change your present. Don't think too much in the future because that is also losing yourself.
I'm finally done with all the exams, and I am sad. I am sad because a whole novel has ended. Another will begin shortly, but right now I'm not ready. I need to relive some of the past events, the ones that made me happy. I want to remember all the friendships, all the gossip, all the adventures. It feels now that all moments when I felt down had so simple solutions. Everything was just a story that I had the chance to write it at my own will, and yet I didn't see anything in front of me.
I am not sorry for the decisions I made, and I wouldn't turn back time to change anything, I would only return to do something more, to achieve more memories in all this time.
When something is ending, always something else will begin, but before the end make sure to have done everything you wanted until now. But, still, if you didn't, remember to take advantage of future situations.
Today I learnt a chapter of your life isn't over until you're disconnected from all the things that binds you to it. When it's time you're not afraid anymore, and you go on your own road, and looking back makes you feel proud that you achieved something and at same time it makes you sad because those moments are unique, they are not coming back.
