Friday, June 29, 2012

The ones who don't love

"Without you there is no beauty."

The worst feeling that one can get is to believe he/she is happy without his last love or any love, but I said
last" because well you've just forgotten it, whichever that is.. And I say "worst thing" because having such power at hand means never falling in love again. And not because you're hurt, but because you realize you're better off without anyone by your side. Of course, you have a gf/bf for a time, but you'll never love her/him, you finally have the world at your feet and that is devastating, my friend.

Power is the biggest challenge of all. You can't control it. You can't run from it. You like it too much already. And this feeling will make you feel as empty as an abyss. You have this power, but there is no one with whom you can share it. And what is a kingdom without its queen and king together? Emptiness...

You may think this is kind of sad, but come on, it never happened to you to be in love for a time, and then just forget it all and never to be able to feel that again? It never happened to feel the logical arguments how they enter your mind and soul? You never felt you're above all, you can't be misled anymore, you can't be in love because you are at a higher level. And this level is empty. 

There are rare cases when the heart listens to the brain, but when it does, it means no one that you know is good enough for your soul. No one can keep you entertained and still be themselves around you. Maybe the world bores you today, and no one can make the feeling go away. Maybe it was just one love that you wish you had. And now that you're over it, there is no such thing to make you feel again.

You aren't numb. You can laugh, be whoever you want to be, but you aren't able to give attention, at least for a long period of time to someone. I don't know if they deserve it or not, but as long as you don't want them what does it matter anyway?

God, it's so good to be free, and so damn scary not to love anyone! But you won't give up this condition soon because freedom was all you wanted... was all they wanted... now you have it. Enjoy! ^_^

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Being a geek in the last minute


  This is kind of a personal experience. This year I'm finishing high school so I need to take my Bachelor's Degree. I have to admit I haven't been learning much over the year, and I have one week until the paper tests (real challenge) begins. Today I have learned all day. I have been rejecting invitations to go out (although I really needed a sunbath and a walk in the park, or a dance in a club) but NO! So after learning at Romanian (yeap I'm from Romania) I found myself talking alone in English, which sometimes I do but voluntary, this time I haven't realized I was talking. So I went and told my mom she's got to take me to the doctor because I haven't opened the computer all day. I mean... me... to stay an hour without the PC turned on? Come on, where am I, in a cave? I turned it on I'm afraid at 7 pm and that hurt. If I'm going to do this all week, I'm going to go insane. And after a break of playing Need for Speed Underground (I know, very old game, but my favorite after NFS:MW) I had to learn at English. After that I think I went insane. Not literally. I think.

Anyway... I'm writing this post to share the feeling of doing everything in the last minute. God I have to learn the whole year at three subjects!!! Thank god I'm good with history. And thank god I still have a week I hope I'll be in the mood to learning so much now...

I have seen that my friends are working at the same pace: being totally cool and they freak out these days :)) Anyway, we're still calm because we have left a WEEK, imagine that: a week filled with 12 hours a day (actually 24 - but at least 10 hours I sleep ... and well 2 hours of break?) that I can spend learning all the lessons I have just pretended to until now. 

You may have noticed I sound a little panicked :)) but believe me I'm not. I feel sorry for my mind that is going to speak non-sense starting tomorrow:)) but that's not such a big tragedy. 

So, hello Euphoria xD

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Voices in your head

They have some great ideas no matter if you choose or not to listen to the voices... It's not the first time you hear this and definitely not the last.

Sometimes they tell you to forget about consequences, to live for your dream, to do crazy things for your crush, to simply be happy or they tell you to kill yourself, to stand up to the worst expectations. 

No matter the massage, the voices always say interesting things. Sometimes they see right through the lies of all the people you believe in. Sometimes, they tend to be too melodramatic There are days when they scream  to get your attention and days when you smile for no reason to be sure the world didn't hear them. Sometimes they represent the truth in your heart, sometimes they lie even to you to protect you.

Some people say: "You can lie to everyone, but yourself." - well this is a lie too. You can lie to yourself. You are trying to make a more beautiful day by saying how good things work in your life, and for a few hours if you get lucky, you actually believe this. But, at night, when you're alone you wake up from the lies. No one needs to convince you for something, but if the voices say: "fight for your dream" you better do something now that you have help. The best part of all is that is coming from the inside and may keep you going on, but you need to have some faith in your voices.

As long as they're funny and they keep you interested in a subject (usually it's one that you want to avoid but that's life) you should do something, not just sit back and listen to the voices or complain about them. And I remember how they push me when I like someone: "come on, do something... say hi, say out loud his name, say a joke, come on" and I remember how hard I try to ignore them :)) and the more I ignored them the louder they would speak, so today I'm just accepting everything. Finally, they shut up for a while. I guess they don't have anything to say for now, but I'm not going to make a big fuss about this because they can start talking any minute...

TWWY: Life

I think this is the last part of TWWY(The War With Yourself). About life in general, there are a lot of things to talk about. I don't know if you're in the mood of reading all these crazy ideas that we all know surround us. 

situation "A": Your parents control your life. If that's the case, you kind of have a problem. But, usually in this situation there are certain advantages that other don't have: maybe they don't let you go out much but they buy you a cool audio system (for example) or something similar. Maybe they let you call your friends at home a lot. My advice is to find an advantage and take the credit for it. 

situation "B": You feel like you don't have any real friends. Well, then you have a serious problem. It's hard to know there isn't anyone to give you a friendly hug, a person with whom you can be sincere but I'm sure you know better than me what's it like. Good people are all over the world, even if you don't believe me. You can find a friend from another country, you can share all the secrets without the fear that he'll tell, but one day this won't be enough. Time to get out in the world, alone, and search for a sincere person who would like to spend time with you. It's going to be a long ride, because friendship doesn't form in a few days or weeks, sometimes it takes only a few months, sometimes it needs years. If you're part of a group (even at work) it's good to see if you can have a special connection with someone around there, because it's good to share most of your time with a friend with whom you have the same interests. I could talk all day about friendship, but if this part of your life is missing you better do something now, because later you'll regret. Oh, and you can keep your fake friends too, they're good when you are bored at home and don't have anyone to go out with.

situation "C": A lot of things are happening in your life. You're an over-dramatic person or you don't have a choice but to be one. You make a scandal even out of your smallest problem. Make a list of the things that are ok in your life, and the ones that are not, and change anything you like slowly, without telling everyone a thousand times a day what is happening or what happened. I'm talking here about the people who want to change this lifestyle. And, if you have a life like in Gossip Girl, then, my sincerest congratulations, because you have an interesting life that's filled with a lot of events, and people and friends, and love and everything you wish for or not. If you're like this crazy girl/boy with a lot of popularity and you think you got bored of it, trust me, you're not yet. It takes a lot to imagine the perfect life in the perfect conditions without getting bored, but the hardest part is to actually live it. So, even if you're exaggerating things what matters if you're living them.

That's the problem with people: they don't know when to stop dreaming and start living. So, no matter who you are, what you think you are, live for the dream! And trust me, when you want something there is nothing that can stop you, but your own personality and thoughts. So, if you want to blame someone, the only "criminal" is you.

There is a quote from Dollhouse, a very interesting TV series that says: "She's living the dream." "Whose dream?" "Who's next." Make sure you're living your dream and not anyone's else.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

For writers/future writers


Those who don't write can also read. Remember, curiosity didn't kill the cat. It's just the cat was curious about the dog. Those who write may understand better what I'm trying to say here. 

Since I've started writing different things: like random poems, texts, stories, I have been encouraged to do so. At first there were just friends, or random people who were polite. Anyway, I stopped showing off every new creation for some time, because let me tell you, it's boring to have a friend that shows you everything he writes. May be interesting, but you can't tell him every time how cool he is, first of all because he may become too full of himself when it's not the case, or may be disappointed if the rest of the world doesn't have the same reaction and let's face it: you have problems on your on. What matters is if writing makes you feel better. My first story was when I was in 4th grade and I discovered it years later and I was like: OMG I wrote a story of 20 pages in 4th grade! And I was so proud of myself. That story, still, no one knows about it. It was about aliens. I liked aliens in that grade. I'd say it's still a pretty good story, but that's the one that made me go on because I liked how I felt in that world. A world created by me, and this is going to be a little  selfish, but it was for me. Later, I learned to stop writing everything just for myself because I had a few fans, to put it this way.

There are many options you have... I've met people who never show off, and they have talent, but I understand them as they are as selfish as I was. I met people who don't have any talent and they still write. As long as one person likes it I guess it's ok to go on. If on this blog only one person would read, I'd still continue to post. I have another blog that's not popular at all, maybe because it was my first one, maybe I didn't know how to make it more popular, and for some I didn't wanted to. But, I have a few friends who told me: "Hey, why do you want to delete it? It's your work. You loved it for a while", and they were totally right. I couldn't just erase my work. It isn't great, but this how everyone begins with little words that some day will transform into a great story, or article. I'm not going to post a link to it, because it's in Romanian, and as long as people from all over the world are reading I see no point. Anyway, you'll say that if a "few friends" asked me not to delete it, then I still had a reason not to. I'm telling you only two persons are still reading it for sure. One is a friend and the other a total stranger. 

Everyone goes to different genres, and different styles. Don't panic if someone says it's not good. Ask them for a reason, because they may not like the genre. And if they give you a logical reason, maybe it's time you would look at your work and you'd ask yourself if it need an improvement. These days, I'm surprised by what things get published. But sometimes it all becomes for the public. When you're writing something for yourself you're free to do whatever you want, and sometimes these are the best art works. When you're writing for the public, you'll only please a certain number of people. What's important is if you are among those people. If you're not, I think you lost your way. As you may have seen I wrote about love more than about other things. Maybe some of you would've liked something else, but that's what I like, and you're free to choose what to read. 

If I had requests to write about something specific, in most cases I'd accept because I like challenges, and maybe I'd actually learn something. But if it's something I really don't like, I guess I'll pass because I won't be good enough and you wouldn't be satisfied by my work even if it's about the subject you wanted. When I feel like I have something to share I do it, but if I'm not pleased by what I wrote then I don't publish it, even if I haven't written anything for some time.

I like to think that writers understand the world best, and they know best what genres define them and if the words written are who they are or just a mask they like to wear to entertain. I don't want to be a journalist, so my goal will never be to spread gossip or to judge the lives of known personalities and I can't give you advice in that direction. Here it's a more complicated path, that once you choose it you need to be prepared for anything that you'll have to write and be objective about it.

P.S. I chose to post photos from Gossip Girl, because I find the TV series not only interesting, but it has a deep understanding of social life, friends, family, love. It's every normal day from the perspective of popularity, originality and it's like this interesting reality you would like to live in as any of the characters, because they all have something to teach you, or entertain you.

TWWY: Career

I'm not a psychologist so I can give you advice. If I'd be one, you would be the one who'll talk and I will just listen. Therefore, it's your choice what you learn from here, if you learn, or if you disagree with me.

 Now let's return to The War With Yourself and let's talk about something pretty important: career.

situation "A": You don't know what you should do in your life. You have all these talents, but everything bores you fast, or you feel like you don't have any talents at all. In other words, you like many things but not enough to do one of them for a lifetime. There are tests you can take and find the right answer for you, and I recommend you should take one; even if it's just a game on the internet, because that's when you'll know the result.And the answer for you may be so wrong, you'll say that the path they tell you to choose has nothing to do with your life. And that's the moment when you'll realize what answer you were expecting. I took one of these tests, and they told me I'd be a great writer, yeah that's true, but I was so desperate in knowing if I'd be a great in working with computers. I liked both things very much, but I think the writing part will be just a hobby, or something extra, and my real career will have something to do with computers. Anyway, enough about me, in your heart you'll expect an answer. And no matter the result, you should do what you feel it's right for you.

situation "B": You don't want to do anything, you don't like anything. Well, this one is kind of complicated. One thing is when you have an option or more, but another is when you feel like you have none. In everyday life you like going to a certain place, doing something. Maybe you feel like you're just messing around, but could be an answer. For example, you like long walks: maybe you can become a touristic guide. Or maybe you like playing computer games: you can be a programmer, game designer, sound technician. There a thousand options to choose from, you just need to see them. And if you realize you don't like something, change it. As long as you're living it's never too late, no matter the age. In this situation you need to discover yourself.

situation "C": You're going on a single way because your parents told you so. If you don't like the path they already chose for you, change it. No matter the consequences, the worst thing is to be stuck your entire life with something you really don't like. It becomes too depressing in time. It's your life, your choices, your consequences, your results. Whatever your friends or parents don't like it's their problem. Maybe they have good intentions, but you don't like a career you shouldn't do it. First of all, you could be much better at something else, and secondly, it's so painful to go to work everyday and hate it. You'll fail not only in your career, but in your personal life too, because you'll be too stressed. Of course, there are cases when you begin to like something you hated, but if you're not sure you're one of them, better do something else. 

Friday, June 15, 2012

TWWY: Love

Remember what I said about The War With Yourself=TWWY? Well, last time I kind of given you some theories. They work, but you may want to know about the problems you'll face.

The fact that you need to change some habits it's not so easy. I recommended an social life so you don't fall on depression. But eventually you will anyway. Then you'll read the other post, and you won't find any advice from it anymore. Everything will be superficial. Well, I told you is not going to be a smooth road. You need to set a goal, but if you're not sure what you should do, what's the best decision, well, then, things are getting complicated. It's dangerous to let life choose. Sometimes it works, but just going with the flow may not lead you to the best place.

Let's take some specific examples: love. Read this only if you have problems. And if you don't know me, because if you do, I don't what you to take anything personal... Whatever.

situation "A":You're in love with someone and you can't forget him/her (I'll just use him from now on, because it's kind of weird to put both every time, but you imagine your specific case). Think that if this love is poisoning, you need to respect yourself. You need to understand that there are billions of people, and there isn't just one right for you; there are many. And you can meet them all, you can be stuck on choosing, but remember: you always have a choice, always. But I'm afraid that 90% of them depend on you. And if you like: oh, I'll never forget him because he was so perfect... etc. Then, why did he leave? Why did he do that and that if he's perfect? Same thing goes for yourself. If you're not perfect, why would you crave for that person? I'm not trying to say that you're less than someone, I'm trying to make you understand that if you want a change in your life, you need to make different things. You can't expect an improvement in your love life, if you're just taking the same decisions. You can't begin something if you just say you will.

situation "B": You like many persons, and you don't know whom to choose from. My advice, a hypocrite one (if you still consider yourself a totally sincere person), would be to choose them all. Not at once, of course, but this life is filled with different roads, and if you can try as many as you can, why not? Yeah, you may suffer and all, but no matter what you choose you'll suffer eventually. Tell me if I'm wrong. But, if you want just one of them, you should look in your heart and see who you love the most. If every one of them looks right, you should investigate better: one of three apples is definitely rotten. Maybe I'm wrong with the apples, but with people never. You know you chose right when you're fully happy, when you don't care about other things, when you're ready to face the problems that will come (at least at the beginning). You can make a list of the qualities and flaws of each person, but you know no matter if one has many qualities than the others, what is important is how you feel with a certain person. The right choice may be wrong for others, so I'm afraid friends can't help much. I was advised by friends, and they wished me the best, but what mattered was in my heart, not in theirs. That's why when you ask someone what he things about your problem, they'll always tell you their choices, not yours, or they'll just tell you to choose by yourself. Good luck. Even if the road isn't easy, you usually figure it out anyway. So, don't worry too much.

situation "C": You don't have anyone in your life. If you're down on yourself, let me tell you without any resentment: you're a fool. Remember how ugly people have a cool guy/girl as a boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, these ugly persons don't feel ugly at all. And they don't send to the opposite sex that they're ugly. On the contrary I'd say. Everyone is special in their own way. You probably heard this like a million times, but I'm sure you have moments when you look in the mirror and you love yourself way too much. Or you see others who are full of themselves and you hate them. But did you stop to ask yourself if you hate them because they don't care much about others, or because they have confidence and they walk in a room knowing what they value? Yeah, they may exaggerate a little (more), but they let opportunities come to them because they think they deserve it. You should think the same. As you may have noticed, in this situation I talked about you, not the other mysterious person. That's because you are the problem here. To be more specific, your attitude. You may think: who is this person who dares to tell me what to think? But, I'm not here to do that. It's your choice if you want to change something or not. If you like the results until now, then that's perfect. If not, you should do something. May not feel right at first, but "something" is always better than "nothing". 

P.S. Wicked or not, it's still love^_^ What is yours counts. What you want to be yours must be clear in your mind.