I'll miss you, Summer

Summer ended today, maybe. For many of us it ended yesterday, but for me I'm not sure yet. It didn't feel like autumn. And it's not going to feel no matter if my hands and feet are cold at night, or if at eight o'clock gets dark. In my mind summer it's still going to be there just for another month.

Of course I didn't get to do everything I planned, but at least I'm free now. I can do whatever I want. It's not like I have something in mind, actually I gave up some of my plans. Not worth it :)) I guess we all find ourselves in the position to realize something's not worth fighting for. 

I didn't get a chance to say hello to summer properly, and I'm not sure if I want to say goodbye. I read somewhere (actually on facebook) that the worst thing is to get a glimpse of chance just to realize you're fooling yourself. I disagree. When chasing a dream, no matter if you achieve it, if you can fight even a little, even for nothing it's worth it. Yeah, maybe some things are better off where they are, but until you try you never know what's best. 

Things happen for a reason - no. It's just time that passes fast and some situations that connect, the rest is as special or mundane as you let it be. If you want to learn something from it, it's your decision. Of course, we often choose to forget, to let go...

I try not to believe in destiny, because it doesn't always go the way you want it, and if you're convinced something should happen and it doesn't, you might fall of track.

Dreams

 

I can change destinies. I can be God. I can answer all their questions, I can be the Devil, I can be everything and nothing at the same time. That's what does a writer. That feeling, that power is amazing. Too sad in real life doesn't go like that. Too bad I'm just a character in the play of life. Having no control sometimes is hard.

Stories always helped me go on, because I would write about something exciting, impossible and yet a solution out of everything comes at the end of the story. It's hard to deal with reality, but combined with imagination and dreaming you get a great mix. There was this night when I thought I knew everything. I have been having questions for a long time, too many questions I'd say... and suddenly I got all the answers I needed. I was God for a few hours.

I said then that dreams are really coming true when the stars light the sky. The detail that I missed was that the stars that we see are already dead. So, what we see on the big sky at night are just some colored dead space material. So are dreams sometimes; dead for a long time... It's us that refuse to see it, it's me that says things are better later than never. And maybe they are, or I just saw another star...

The Secret

Not about a TV series, not about music, not about my or your heart, but a documentary (or book, whatever version you prefer). Yeap, the biggest and the greatest documentary of all: The Secret.

I said once that it doesn't work, that I don't understand it. Actually, it was just a matter of time. When you're waiting for a wonder, it's always about time. And as many say: time doesn't forgive. It may forget in my opinion, but it never forgives. The moment you lost, is lost forever, as long as you're dead.

Yeah, I'm being sarcastic here. Everything you want you can get it, but you have to really want it and be sure about your dream. I am the pessimistic type, I have to admit, and I have been for a long time. But I cannot disagree with my power of will. I mean it. To stand up after every time you fall you need to be willing to start over again. To do that you need power, a lot of it. It's best if it comes from the inside, but outside reasons are good too.

So you want something really bad? Fight for it, no matter the time, the difficulties you face. You can really achieve a dream.

Today I learnt

 

Today I learnt that experience has to be shared. I met a one of the million people that want to change the world, but to do that money is needed. And a lot of it if you want to do something good. Of course, there are situations and situations.

The main point is to go for your dreams. No matter how silly they seem. Someday you'll look back at the time that passed and you'll wonder why you didn't do anything when you had the chance. Time doesn't wait, and it feels like years pass faster and faster.

We all began a lot of things and we never finished them. For some of them we didn't even had the courage to make the first step. You don't need to see the whole stairs. Now I know that, and what matters is that life doesn't go backwards. If you want to do something about the past change your present. Don't think too much in the future because that is also losing yourself.

I'm finally done with all the exams, and I am sad. I am sad because a whole novel has ended. Another will begin shortly, but right now I'm not ready. I need to relive some of the past events, the ones that made me happy. I want to remember all the friendships, all the gossip, all the adventures. It feels now that all moments when I felt down had so simple solutions. Everything was just a story that I had the chance to write it at my own will, and yet I didn't see anything in front of me.

I am not sorry for the decisions I made, and I wouldn't turn back time to change anything, I would only return to do something more, to achieve more memories in all this time.

When something is ending, always something else will begin, but before the end make sure to have done everything you wanted until now. But, still, if you didn't, remember to take advantage of future situations.

Today I learnt a chapter of your life isn't over until you're disconnected from all the things that binds you to it.  When it's time you're not afraid anymore, and you go on your own road, and looking back makes you feel proud that you achieved something and at same time it makes you sad because those moments are unique, they are not coming back.

Voices in your head

They have some great ideas no matter if you choose or not to listen to the voices... It's not the first time you hear this and definitely not the last.

Sometimes they tell you to forget about consequences, to live for your dream, to do crazy things for your crush, to simply be happy or they tell you to kill yourself, to stand up to the worst expectations. 

No matter the massage, the voices always say interesting things. Sometimes they see right through the lies of all the people you believe in. Sometimes, they tend to be too melodramatic There are days when they scream  to get your attention and days when you smile for no reason to be sure the world didn't hear them. Sometimes they represent the truth in your heart, sometimes they lie even to you to protect you.

Some people say: "You can lie to everyone, but yourself." - well this is a lie too. You can lie to yourself. You are trying to make a more beautiful day by saying how good things work in your life, and for a few hours if you get lucky, you actually believe this. But, at night, when you're alone you wake up from the lies. No one needs to convince you for something, but if the voices say: "fight for your dream" you better do something now that you have help. The best part of all is that is coming from the inside and may keep you going on, but you need to have some faith in your voices.

As long as they're funny and they keep you interested in a subject (usually it's one that you want to avoid but that's life) you should do something, not just sit back and listen to the voices or complain about them. And I remember how they push me when I like someone: "come on, do something... say hi, say out loud his name, say a joke, come on" and I remember how hard I try to ignore them :)) and the more I ignored them the louder they would speak, so today I'm just accepting everything. Finally, they shut up for a while. I guess they don't have anything to say for now, but I'm not going to make a big fuss about this because they can start talking any minute...