I'll miss you, Summer

Summer ended today, maybe. For many of us it ended yesterday, but for me I'm not sure yet. It didn't feel like autumn. And it's not going to feel no matter if my hands and feet are cold at night, or if at eight o'clock gets dark. In my mind summer it's still going to be there just for another month.

Of course I didn't get to do everything I planned, but at least I'm free now. I can do whatever I want. It's not like I have something in mind, actually I gave up some of my plans. Not worth it :)) I guess we all find ourselves in the position to realize something's not worth fighting for. 

I didn't get a chance to say hello to summer properly, and I'm not sure if I want to say goodbye. I read somewhere (actually on facebook) that the worst thing is to get a glimpse of chance just to realize you're fooling yourself. I disagree. When chasing a dream, no matter if you achieve it, if you can fight even a little, even for nothing it's worth it. Yeah, maybe some things are better off where they are, but until you try you never know what's best. 

Things happen for a reason - no. It's just time that passes fast and some situations that connect, the rest is as special or mundane as you let it be. If you want to learn something from it, it's your decision. Of course, we often choose to forget, to let go...

I try not to believe in destiny, because it doesn't always go the way you want it, and if you're convinced something should happen and it doesn't, you might fall of track.

The end of the beginning

Well, I might be drunk... a little more than I want to admit and well.. I just discovered some things. Happy new year first !!!


I hope you're all felling happy in 2012 cause I'm not. I'm having fun right now but something is really missing. Maybe I'm insane, maybe I'm not at the right place, maybe I'm just drunk, but I feel alone. Just humans living on this planet, and it's kind of boring.


I spent the night at some friend's house and I went to the ghost house. I waited for them and nothing happened... Ghosts really don't exist or I was just expecting them too much? If until today was really just my imagination then I'm really doomed. I don't want to be alone. I want to be along some things that understand me. I think ghosts would do that. And if they don't I'd like them to exist. Now it's like 4 am in my country and I'm really depressed because nothing happened at the ghost house. God help me. Or the devil. I don't care. I just want ghost to exist. Is it really that hard !?


I want to know I'm not insane, I want to know I haven't imagined things, but who knows if I really did or not? Happy new year to all and sorry for this sad post...

Summer ended...

This summer things have changed. I learned that ghosts exists and that "forever" is a difficult promise to keep. Tomorrow school starts for me and I just want to sleep.

I discovered that my friends who needed help now they have helped themselves. Everything is fine for everyone and maybe the same. But not for me. You'll say that I'm the one who needs help, but trust me I can handle it, whatever it is, what I really need is sleep, lots of hours of sleep. I usually don't write things like this on my blog, but I got the feeling that I should.

Maybe you think I'm depressed because school starts, but it's much more than that. No, it has no connection with the ghosts that I heard... or saw or whatever. I think all this changes are coming from inside me, from my young heart that wants to fly. Last summer I flew, this summer I grew up. 

Hatred and Despair

Lie to me, lie because you know I know, but you want to forget. Drag me to hell, but refuse to say where we are going. Oh, where are we going? In my hell today, in yours tomorrow. In my mind you are a cockroach and I squash you a million times.


Lie to yourself because you can't stand reality, your sins are not so evil, but your mind has mysterious intentions, you wanna kill, kill, kill! And I want the same, you see we are made for each other, but, yet, we pretend to be angels with our sweet black&blue puppy eyes.


And I want you to scream my name in terror, like a suffering soul covered in a bloody scenario. And you want to rip the life out of me. You find yourself in these words and you don't want to admit it, and yet you wonder how is it possible that I know every thought of yours, every move, every desire. 


Hatred is such a beautiful feeling, you embrace it every night and you hold it tight like you love it, and you lie awake filled with a warm smile on a bloody carpet. You love this feeling. Such contradictions are in your mind and you want more and more hatred. You would do anything to have it in your hands to make shapes of it. We know the face of death, we know what's in hell or in heaven, but you wanna know the face of hatred. Maybe you are that face. Now you're laughing in terror knowing that I found your secret.


You devour hell. Why isn't it enough for you?

These problems... these people...

"I wake up to see the morning light, oh, but there is no light. It's just an empty space filled with dust in the wind. I get up from bed and I look at the mirror. What a sad look on my face. I am beautiful, I know I am, I have no disabilities but yet I feel sad, alone and unprotected." - These are feelings of depression. These are the feelings that a person who's suffering on the inside from different reasons says such things. How can I help him or her?


I tried to say that everything has an ending and a better start, but does it really matter? No, I'm just talking in vain, I'm just helping helpless people. They say they want to be saved, but they want to fall deeper and deeper. I'm not saying you don't have a real problem, or real problems, but if you want advice you have to be prepared to fight, prepared to change things into better if you really want to go on.


I don't understand why say you want to fight when you actually want to devour all the sins in the world? When you want to die, to make people suffer, to make you suffer? Why say you're a fighter? You wanna scream your problems but you don't want to solve them. You want to just be proud to have those problems. Love it. Embrace it! Why don't you put an end to it I have no idea!