Guilty

I've been asking around "why do I have to be guilty for his/her actions?", "why do I need to take the blame for his/her incapability of moving on?" The best part is that I discovered I don't.

Everyone is responsible for their actions. You are what you think. So, if your happiness is another person, and that person refuses to take that role, you have no right to blame her for your unhappiness. You have the right to say what you like, what you don't want but without stepping on someone else's free will. I thought that I was guilty for their actions. I thought I was guilty for leaving from their lives. I thought I was guilty for ending the story. But no! They are the only ones to blame for all the stubbornness in their head, for not fighting. They all say they love life, but they don't do anything to make things better.

Until tonight I've waited for their demons to come straight at my door and tell me face to face that I'm some kind of monster. This never happened of course, because I'm just a human, and I left like everyone does, and in their hearts they know it's not my fault sincerity and trust were mislead.

It's your choice to let someone into your life, your choice to get over some tragedy, your choice to make friends, to let them down, to confess your love, to shut down your feelings and so on. Your choice to blame someone else for your own faults, to feel guilty for something or to pretend you forgot.

So, beginning with tonight, I am not guilty for your depressions, for your choices, for your "never do anything and go with the flow". I hope you won't drown too much in your own heart, and I hope I won't be there if that happens, because my mood of "I care" might want to jump and save you.

Today I learnt

 

Today I learnt that experience has to be shared. I met a one of the million people that want to change the world, but to do that money is needed. And a lot of it if you want to do something good. Of course, there are situations and situations.

The main point is to go for your dreams. No matter how silly they seem. Someday you'll look back at the time that passed and you'll wonder why you didn't do anything when you had the chance. Time doesn't wait, and it feels like years pass faster and faster.

We all began a lot of things and we never finished them. For some of them we didn't even had the courage to make the first step. You don't need to see the whole stairs. Now I know that, and what matters is that life doesn't go backwards. If you want to do something about the past change your present. Don't think too much in the future because that is also losing yourself.

I'm finally done with all the exams, and I am sad. I am sad because a whole novel has ended. Another will begin shortly, but right now I'm not ready. I need to relive some of the past events, the ones that made me happy. I want to remember all the friendships, all the gossip, all the adventures. It feels now that all moments when I felt down had so simple solutions. Everything was just a story that I had the chance to write it at my own will, and yet I didn't see anything in front of me.

I am not sorry for the decisions I made, and I wouldn't turn back time to change anything, I would only return to do something more, to achieve more memories in all this time.

When something is ending, always something else will begin, but before the end make sure to have done everything you wanted until now. But, still, if you didn't, remember to take advantage of future situations.

Today I learnt a chapter of your life isn't over until you're disconnected from all the things that binds you to it.  When it's time you're not afraid anymore, and you go on your own road, and looking back makes you feel proud that you achieved something and at same time it makes you sad because those moments are unique, they are not coming back.

Ever met happiness?

 

Sadly, there are people who don't know how to live. They don't appreciate the little things in their lives, they don't understand the essence of happiness. Dreams are the most beautiful things on earth. And a dream that comes to life it's pure paradise.

I invite you to enjoy the deepest joy in your heart. Don't ask me to tell you what could that be, because you're the only one who truly knows. Reach for your dreams like you would've already achieved them. It's so simple to be happy. Why refuse the best offer that the world has for you? And don't say that now things aren't going so smoothly, because this is just the beginning of the changes that are going to happen. You feel at your best when you reach the light at the end of the tunnel, but why not see the light now? Why don't you look in front of you and see the good things that await to be taken. 

Life it's easy if you believe it. Life has a lot to offer and we are only a part of it. Imagine how it feels when it's complete. Take a little time for yourself and imagine perfection. How good does it feel perfection(the way you understand it)? Don't think that you don't deserve it. You deserve the best, trust me, but only if you want it. 

If you haven't seen it, I recommend you the movie "The Secret". It's a documentary about positive thinking, and not just that, it's the explanation of why people are successful and how good things come into our lives. Of course, you have to make a little effort to think about the things that you like, that's the key, to concentrate on what you want, not on what you hate.

Things are changing

Today I'm going to write about some strange things. For example, this year I've lost a lot of people. Or at least it feels like it. Another example is that this is my last year of high school.


So let's start with the losing of friends. It's not like I did something bad, or they did, but it just felt that our lives are no longer connected, not even from far away. It isn't an easy decision going further, but it's the only option I got. I wanted a tranquil year, and I didn't get it. Exactly the opposite. At least I had things to think about. Although, sometimes it feels better not to think about anything.


I wish I could turn back time to revive the moments again and again until I get bored, because I like life. Despite my tendencies of going for the pessimistic way, and the devil's side, I LOVE life! I like the bad parts too, and I adore when I can go through them totally numb, like I would be just a stander-by, like it wouldn't be my life, it would be someone else's and I would just look and see the facts on every side. 


As I like people (some people at least) I like to evaluate things, and because I have imagination I can create stories for them all. Sometimes I do that for me and I wonder what if I would've chosen differently? I am pleased with my every decision though. It helped me understand life as it is: not a fairy tale, not hell, not heaven, and definitely not for me. Well, looks like I understood what life is not. Sorry for the confusion. But I'm not disappointed with anything. Maybe just with things that are ending, because new beginnings await and I am afraid I won't be able to get used with them.

The end of the beginning

Well, I might be drunk... a little more than I want to admit and well.. I just discovered some things. Happy new year first !!!


I hope you're all felling happy in 2012 cause I'm not. I'm having fun right now but something is really missing. Maybe I'm insane, maybe I'm not at the right place, maybe I'm just drunk, but I feel alone. Just humans living on this planet, and it's kind of boring.


I spent the night at some friend's house and I went to the ghost house. I waited for them and nothing happened... Ghosts really don't exist or I was just expecting them too much? If until today was really just my imagination then I'm really doomed. I don't want to be alone. I want to be along some things that understand me. I think ghosts would do that. And if they don't I'd like them to exist. Now it's like 4 am in my country and I'm really depressed because nothing happened at the ghost house. God help me. Or the devil. I don't care. I just want ghost to exist. Is it really that hard !?


I want to know I'm not insane, I want to know I haven't imagined things, but who knows if I really did or not? Happy new year to all and sorry for this sad post...

A ghost story... or not just a story...

I have something in my mind. I never thought they exist... I never thought that haunted houses are for real... I never believed until I saw it. I saw them... You can choose to believe me, you can choose to believe is just another ghost story invented by some blogger with imagination... whatever you choose you don't need to find out the truth if you can't handle it. It's hard... trust me.


The story begins on a average day when me and my cousin wanted to see some ghosts. Actually we always wanted to see them but we never believed. I'm not afraid of the dark, I don't believe in supernatural even though all my stories are about supernatural... We heard from our friends about a house that's haunted. The house it is for selling over 2 years... and it has something strange, the air... the rooms... the shoes left at every entrance... And we went there at 7pm and we stayed an hour and we waited. It was still day and nothing appeared. We made our friends liars... and we went home.


But then another day... we wanted to go there again. It was calling us. It is always calling us. 4 ghosts... and the four of us.... It was like 8 pm when everything started. I want you to know there are many buildings... I was with a friend at the main rooms and we where like in the back or something... And there was another door, of course locked (not everything is locked although... but we couldn't enter in the main house anyway) and I approached... I heard a sound like the wind... but it wasn't wind... I heard like a man was I don't know... what he was saying and it was right beside me. I didn't run, I didn't scream. The sound lasted a few seconds and then silence again. I asked my friend "Did you hear that??" and he said "Yes. I heard it." The rest of us were out of the house on a fence.


One of them called me... and I didn't hear it. So I call my cousin to see what happened. I try twice and it says that she is not available and once it doesn't say anything the call just ends. I thought her battery was dead but then I find out that her phone was working perfectly.... I was scared from what I heard and I went for a walk with one of my friends. We waited until it was dark and we entered again... And we saw things I don't want to tell you because they may have been reflections from lights... only there were faces... a girl, her mother, her father.. and someone else... someone we don't remember but we do know that he is a man... We were scared we were terrified... but we didn't leave it was calling for us and it wanted more and more and we wanted more too. Or maybe they wanted us to want more... I don't want to know. 


The moon was on the sky... it wasn't a full moon but its light was pleasant. We were staying on some stairs and in front of us was another building with like 2 rooms. And the door suddenly seemed open. My cousin told me to look from a different angle and the light of the moon was entering in the dark room like the door was for real open a little. I got amazed and we didn't scream. We didn't run but we didn't dare to look closer... to go there to see if it really was open.


The other noises that we heard I won't describe them because they just mean that there is something... well... someone. At 10pm we went home. It was enough. Actually it wasn't but I was staying at my cousin home and we had to go back. On the road we talked about the haunted house and we realized something. I did. I remembered again the light of the moon on the door... but there was a little problem. The moon was behind the house and that light couldn't have been from the moon. It was impossible. And I remember I said it so natural "It's nothing. It's just the light of the moon." And it seemed so natural... until I realized where was the moon actually. 


It still calls us... someway or another.

Beginning

This is the first day of this blog. I don't know who will read it, but whoever you are, I think you have the right to know what this will be about. I am going to write about general problems: such as world problems, school problems, social concerns and of course personal thoughts and maybe some of my experiences. More is to come, and I hope you'll help me develop it.

I want you to know that I am from Romania and I am 17 years old. Not everything will be as boring as this post, and I can assure you that you will find something interesting around here.

P.S: I almost forgot! I will also write about movies, games, whatever that makes us feel relaxed and maybe intrigued by it.