You have your mind set on your goal. The only image that lies behind the stage is making you numb. Without moving, without making a sound you crawl into darkness to search just for light. As you lose yourself deeper you believe you've found it: the dream, the light, the end of the tunnel, but it's another illusion that will make you feel more nervous.
I am paralyzing the mind with poisonous thoughts. The horror of losing what I never had is slowly taking control and it invades my dreams, my vision, my judgement, everything that one can think of. Is even making fake memories of the real ones. I am paralyzing the mind with pure evil and with some songs that awake a monster in the soul.
I am listening to evidence of the dead to fill the empty holes in my heart. They say to stop, to live the life I have and they lost and then they send unclear messages for me to try to understand and after I achieve my creepy goal, they stare into my mind directly like a disease that never leaves. I love the shadows, I love the feeling that makes me think I'm not alone in my mind.
You're still searching for light in the depth of darkness, you're still hoping to see the end of all the suffering, to find peace. But what made you think there is light in my mind? Get out; it's time to stop the disease from spreading.
I've been asking around "why do I have to be guilty for his/her actions?", "why do I need to take the blame for his/her incapability of moving on?" The best part is that I discovered I don't.
Everyone is responsible for their actions. You are what you think. So, if your happiness is another person, and that person refuses to take that role, you have no right to blame her for your unhappiness. You have the right to say what you like, what you don't want but without stepping on someone else's free will. I thought that I was guilty for their actions. I thought I was guilty for leaving from their lives. I thought I was guilty for ending the story. But no! They are the only ones to blame for all the stubbornness in their head, for not fighting. They all say they love life, but they don't do anything to make things better.
Until tonight I've waited for their demons to come straight at my door and tell me face to face that I'm some kind of monster. This never happened of course, because I'm just a human, and I left like everyone does, and in their hearts they know it's not my fault sincerity and trust were mislead.
It's your choice to let someone into your life, your choice to get over some tragedy, your choice to make friends, to let them down, to confess your love, to shut down your feelings and so on. Your choice to blame someone else for your own faults, to feel guilty for something or to pretend you forgot.
So, beginning with tonight, I am not guilty for your depressions, for your choices, for your "never do anything and go with the flow". I hope you won't drown too much in your own heart, and I hope I won't be there if that happens, because my mood of "I care" might want to jump and save you.
