Paralyzing the mind

 

You have your mind set on your goal. The only image that lies behind the stage is making you numb. Without moving, without making a sound you crawl into darkness to search just for light. As you lose yourself deeper you believe you've found it: the dream, the light, the end of the tunnel, but it's another illusion that will make you feel more nervous.

I am paralyzing the mind with poisonous thoughts. The horror of losing what I never had is slowly taking control and it invades my dreams, my vision, my judgement, everything that one can think of. Is even making fake memories of the real ones. I am paralyzing the mind with pure evil and with some songs that awake a monster in the soul.

I am listening to evidence of the dead to fill the empty holes in my heart. They say to stop, to live the life I have and they lost and then they send unclear messages for me to try to understand and after I achieve my creepy goal, they stare into my mind directly like a disease that never leaves. I love the shadows, I love the feeling that makes me think I'm not alone in my mind.

You're still searching for light in the depth of darkness, you're still hoping to see the end of all the suffering, to find peace. But what made you think there is light in my mind? Get out; it's time to stop the disease from spreading.

Commitment Issues

Both words with capital letters, because it's a common problem these days. People falling in love for a day or two, having a short relationship and then they feel like they should move on.

To begin a relationship is hard. You over-think about the first "I love you", sometimes the other person says it too early and you're like "I only love myself", you're afraid you'll get bored. Anyway, after you got over these little actions, there comes the hard part. Let's say you have a few weeks, and things start to get serious. You're afraid it's just in your mind and you become confused. Or what if you can't live without that person anymore? That's scary. 

Did you ever play The Sims 2 or 3? Well, if you did... and you made a perfect family of you and your crush, god forgive you because it's a terrible mistake. First of all, you're extra happy that you and your crush are finally together, and after some time you'll see that you'd be with that girl/guy in real life, and the fairy tale will forever end, because reality was never as in your dreams. Secondly, you'll go on a killing spree in your game if things aren't going the right way, and that it's not good for your health. Nope.

I know you're going to try now the idea because I told you it works (for me it worked almost every time - tried 3 times, 2 times worked till now) and it was a mistake. Thank you third guy because you didn't let me get to know you, so you'll be a nice memory forever. 

Anyway, people are saying that if you love someone you don't know much, it's not love. Trust me, it's love. It can be love because you imagine your guy/girl perfect and you make a lot of imaginary situations in your head and every time you're thrilled to the core, and that my friend is a beautiful feeling that no one, but reality, wants to break. So, thank you, boy for not letting me fall from my snow globe. 

As you may have noticed it seems like I share your commitment issues. I'm afraid I do. It's not because I can't keep a long relationship, I'm not too confident in love because I really haven't met the right person. I guess I'm afraid that I'll ever find it (yeah, "it" because it takes a lot of effort to materialize into "him").

If things get serious too early and you don't feel comfortable, don't be afraid to put an end. Sometimes, some things are not meant to be. And if you don't intend to fight, then don't push destiny. It may lead you to wrong places. 

These commitment issues are more of a problem of trust. And if you trust your loved one, there's nothing that you can't reach. Fortunately, I still have faith in people, maybe a lot of them lost it forever, but it was just to make room for others who deserve it. Life it's not easy, but as we all go in death, you should live it with all your strength and joy.

Change? Really? "Haven't noticed"

2012 it's been a hell of a year! I know it's not over yet, we're only in August, but how many things could happen till now...

This year it's been "the end" for many of us, and I'm not talking here about death literally, I'm talking about failed relationships, friends lost, changes in people, changes in everything I guess. The best part is that is not over! I wanted this year to be peaceful and it was quite the opposite. Now, I think I'm prepared for the rest of it, but who knows what's about to come.

I want to thank all the people that didn't let me to know them. You have no idea what great favor you did.You know that feeling when you want to spend your time with someone (friend or future lover) and that person doesn't seem to share your interest and tries to get away from your life. Well, that is a real friend. Like this you can't say anything wrong about her, only the fact that she didn't let you in her life, but trust me, one day you'll see it's for the best. I discovered people this year, and I discovered them in a way I wish it never was, but when people choose to change, they usually go for the current trend. And it's trendy to make new friends and forget about the past ones, it's cool to lie.. to whatever. It's cool to be fake. Yeah, I guess that's the word people are embracing today: fake.

The unspoken words are called "unspoken" not because they are some sort of dangerous secret, but because when we find out the reality about someone, it's like... unexpected and it leaves you speechless. The truth does that sometimes, especially if tasted after years. It's like wine, as it gets older, it has a more of an impact on you.

You might be asking why I am talking in so many metaphors. But there are some things, that you can't say out loud without trying to make the situation sound better. It doesn't have to be so bad that you're disappointed in people, that the need to meet new people it's actually because the ones you knew are like rotten apples now (and yeah, this was pretty harsh).

TWWY:Lying to be perfect

 

The War with Yourself: "Lying to be perfect" (the movie of course) is a beautiful way of standing up to everyday challenges. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I will tell you a little about it. It's about a girl who's fat and has this bad opinion of herself. She is a very good writer and works at a magazine, but she can't progress because she doesn't have a pretty face and body. So she creates this character, Belinda Apple (she uses an image of herself on Photoshop) and suddenly she gets very popular and gets to publish book. The only problem is that she has to make a public appearance at the book party, and unfortunately you can't photoshop yourself in reality. If you want to know the whole story, watch the movie. You won't regret it. 

Now, I don't know what problems do you have, but the story made me realize that it doesn't matter how you look, how old are you or where do you come from. What matters is how you let people talk to you. If you have low self-esteem you tend to accept when people tell you that you're not good enough. That, I think, is the worst someone can do: believe that they can't. There are a lot of talented people who don't know their value. There a lot of normal people who think they don't deserve this, that. Well, let me tell you: you don't need to lie to be perfect. You ought to do the things you feel, and if you fancy something, you have a person that inspires you, well let that inspiration make you feel good. You don't need to become someone else. I'm sure your friends are happy with yourself. It's you who's got to accept that this is your life and if you want to fight for it, then do it. What are you waiting for?

I don't have low self-esteem, I got over that problem a long time ago. Not that I was imperfect ever, it's just that I couldn't see the perfection in me. Everyone has that in their own unique way. You know well that beauty is seen differently in different eyes. So is perfection. Everybody keeps saying that first you need to love yourself. Let me tell you something. Yeah, you can have a boyfriend/girlfriend, a perfect life but if you don't love yourself, if you don't respect yourself, all of these are a lie and sooner or later everything in which you don't believe will go away. I want to share an experience of mine, but I don't want to let anyone to know who I'm talking about (anyway you can't because... well because you can't, I'm not giving any clues). I just can tell you that once I met someone (unfortunately a lot of people like this) and this person didn't love herself. She was beautiful and talented but she needed someone to tell her that. Of course, we all need to be praised from time to time, but to achieve something you actually need to believe in yourself. Well, this friend of mine had so much opportunities, and luck, and God, her life was perfect! And she couldn't see it. My friends always said they want to be in her place, and I wanted to for a time, I got to admit. But she didn't knew her value, so all her talents and her beauty faded away. I'm not saying she's some "crazy bitch" right now, I'm just saying when you see her you see just gray. Just like a shadow that wanders and can't be taken to her real value. I couldn't do anything to make her realize she's worth a lot more than she's thinking, but I guess some people don't want to be saved. She didn't have ambition, not even a bit, that was her biggest flaw. But, you, everyone has it, because is the main law of survival: you keep fighting because you want to get to a point: personal satisfaction. The ones who don't want to fight for themselves are a little weird... in the bad weird way, not funny. I mean, who can be pleased with their unpleasant life? If it doesn't make you feel good, you want to change it, right?

Being always happy is a hard thing to do, trying to keep going - the same, but what matters is that you're feeling good, and when you're down there is always a song that makes you feel better, always a friend to make a silly face or tell a funny joke (if you have any sense of humor, which I hope you have). The point is, there is always a way, you just have to follow it. And yeah, it's going to be hard sometimes, and you'll need help from friends, computer, games, music, life itself, but it's going to be worth it. You'll get to a point where you are pleased with yourself, with people around you and then, you'll set your next goal. And we all know how good it feels to have achieved something. Always keep in mind that what you want matters, and if others tell you can't do it, it's because they would be afraid to do it in your place. And if they are experts in that area they're afraid you'll be better.

P.S. Yeah, the song is intentionally chosen. You can! Good luck ^_^

Life = a masquerade

Hi guys. I'm sorry I haven't been writing in a while, but I've been busy with school. Today I remembered something very important about the people. They always want to seem something they aren't. It's not they're not good persons, or they don't have enough talents, but they just need something else. Sometimes I wonder why, and sometimes the answers.

Welcome to  the masquerade. Here you will find impressive costumes and beautiful masks, insidious creatures, angels, but who are they? Their names fade away with the night. That happens with those who are not real, who only want to be acclaimed for something, it doesn't matter what, just being in the center of the attention gives them satisfaction.


Please, enter this room; here you'll find incredible lies to build up your perfect life, here you'll find advice on how to kill feelings, but what you're actually going to do is to destroy the very last drop of truth in your eyes. Why? Why is it you who isn't pleased with life? How much the satisfaction lasts? An hour? A day? A week? How much do you have to suffer to get on moving with your false hobbies, broken dreams and naive personalities? And even when you say "thank you", is that a real "thank you"? Did you mean it? Or you'll just stab me in the back when I turn around. 

Is this costume of a warrior helping you hide your cowardliness? Is this you? Can you recognize yourself in the mirror? All dressed up, speaking some strange words that don't define you, talking to high class people and making your real friends losers? Who are you? Still remember that?


Welcome to the Masquerade...