Paralyzing the mind

 

You have your mind set on your goal. The only image that lies behind the stage is making you numb. Without moving, without making a sound you crawl into darkness to search just for light. As you lose yourself deeper you believe you've found it: the dream, the light, the end of the tunnel, but it's another illusion that will make you feel more nervous.

I am paralyzing the mind with poisonous thoughts. The horror of losing what I never had is slowly taking control and it invades my dreams, my vision, my judgement, everything that one can think of. Is even making fake memories of the real ones. I am paralyzing the mind with pure evil and with some songs that awake a monster in the soul.

I am listening to evidence of the dead to fill the empty holes in my heart. They say to stop, to live the life I have and they lost and then they send unclear messages for me to try to understand and after I achieve my creepy goal, they stare into my mind directly like a disease that never leaves. I love the shadows, I love the feeling that makes me think I'm not alone in my mind.

You're still searching for light in the depth of darkness, you're still hoping to see the end of all the suffering, to find peace. But what made you think there is light in my mind? Get out; it's time to stop the disease from spreading.

Welcome to Hell

I'm not good at writing about good things. It's not because they're not happening in my life, but I just can't express my beautiful scenarios of the world. Maybe because the world isn't beautiful with humans in it. I guess that's why almost everyone goes to hell. They deserve it. 

My dear, friend, welcome to hell! Here you will find everything you need: lust for your body, suffering for your soul, broken hearts (enjoy that you're also allowed to break other hearts), mind numbing, and a lot of opportunities lost. Even though there are a few disadvantages, I'm sure you'll like it here very much. You know what makes me so sure? The hatred in your heart. You can't deny it. You can't deny your desire to make right in your life, even if that means stepping on other people.

Here, in this "paradise" no one condemns you. You are free! Finally free! What are you waiting for? Enjoy the dust you were made of! But wait! That's not everything. You also get to have wings. You can be beautiful, you can sleep all you want, you can have everything you desire. You just have to do a little thing for someone. You need to understand the devil, as he understands you when you're crying, when you're laughing. He knows your deepest secrets. It's time to know his. Yeah, I guess this is the hardest part, but will you fight?

You're still saying it's not worth fighting for? Then what is it worth? Who do you want to be? Yourself or somebody else? Do you want to have power or you want to be a nobody? You have to make a difference. But you can't, because you're just like everyone else: mean. And if you're still good, you won't be for long. Say I'm wrong. Say it with all your heart. 

... I still can't hear you.


... Not even now.


... Guess what? You've been accepted to hell! Go on and celebrate!

Darkness within

I think I discovered darkness. It has no face, but desire. It has no language at all, it's all in the deepest of your heart. It's no use to say "no", it's no use to say "yes" it simply stands there before you and it has no conscience. 


Darkness has no color, no end, no beginning. It doesn't embrace you, though. You embrace it with all your soul. You can chose this path, you can fool yourself it's not you who's deciding, but then, wouldn't you be a little childish? If it's not you who's making decision. who is then? Don't tell me it's God nor the Devil. Don't tell me it's your friend.


This darkness brings happiness and it fills your heart. I'm sure anyone experienced this at least one time in their lives. I guess it took me long enough to realize it's about dark, it took me long to figure it out I was the one who made the choices. It's like I would listen to my dark angel, not the one sent by God. And I want to let you know he doesn't want me to fail, he wants to see me up high with my dreams fulfilled. You may say I'm crazy, you may say I'm a satanist, but you know it's not true. You've experienced this before, even if not at the same intensity.


As I was saying, I discovered darkness, but I don't wish people to suffer. At least not all the people :) 






Happy Holidays!

The last visit...

Ok, I have been again at that house. I know for sure there is something, I found out the story from someone. It's a horror story of course... and the house not only that's haunted but I found out that's cursed too. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want anymore.


It didn't happen something bad... just one thing that shocked us all. The front porch was open. It had a lock that was unlocked and no one came or left from there... and after we visited the house, some time later, after I also left my cousin's house the door was again locked.


It wanted us to go there. It didn't want us to jump the fence... we were their guests and they treated us well. I'm not disappointed in anything I did, but these are the last words. I'm not ever writing about that house. Its somebody else's story there and I don't have the right to tell like it would be my story. My only story is that I have been to a haunted house, and it was fun, scary and again fun, but where things get complicated I better back off. I'm leaving things like this. They deserve their privacy and I deserve mine. 


I wanted to share my experience... now it's over. Forever, or, until next year when I'll visit my cousin again *evil laugh*.

I have been again...

This house it really calls me.I returned to my cousin and I visited the house again. I couldn't sustain myself. I think me and a friend are the only ones who the phantom calls so desperately. My cousin entered just for a few seconds in the house. Well, actually in the yard because the house it's locked.


So skipping to the events.I just saw a shadow, a light gray shadow passing in my left side when I was taking pictures of a window.I don't know if it was my imagination, but I guess it wasn't because I just feel it was something. It's hard to explain why.Maybe I believe and I know I'm not crazy. I know because I wasn't the only one who knows there is something.


My friend saw a girl beside a window dressed in white with her white hair and he saw it twice.It is said that rarely two people see the same thing at the same time, so even if I didn't saw it I believe him. He was really scared. Last time he acted cool until he went there alone and saw a crying woman looking at him. From that moment he became more scared even than I was ever.


Earlier I said I took pictures... well, they're not very clear because it was almost dark, and I didn't had a professional camera, not even one with a led flash. I took them with my LG Cookie. Stupid phone. But we weren't talking about that. Maybe we are crazy and we saw things that aren't there.Here is the picture... And if you don't see it, in the second I've marked the spot...

You'll have to see full size. Hint: On the middle  window which I want to say it's  actually a replacement with wood.

I've modified the contrast maybe you can see it better...

I was wearing a cross and it was still day and I said "What if doesn't appear anything else if I'm wearing this?" and I took it off... I don't know if that was me thinking or it was something more. When I got home I saw that my necklace was tangled. It took me a lot of time to get it back to normal. It had two knots. We also heard noises from a building where my friend saw the girl. They were like someone was in the house and was doing something. I don't know how to explain. They were like lousy cracks, they were like two, and later on we heard another noise which was coming from the well. Oh, and some months ago the well hadn't water and now it had. We also heard noises from the attic. I say maybe they were mice but my friend is sure they weren't. I don't know what to believe, but there is definitely something! 

When we had to leave we had to pass by a window in which my friend saw the woman when he was alone. He suddenly became very scared and he said he didn't want to jump the fence from there, but I tried to convince him it's ok. When we got closer to the window he made a few steps backward and he was very scared. I said "Come on, nothing is going to happen. God will protect us." As soon as I said the word "god" he started moving forward. I had the courage to look at that window.and I didn't saw anything. I couldn't take a good look but it was nothing so far.

I wasn't as scared as I was the first time when I saw or heard something from the house, but I don't know why I wanted more. I still do.