A memory

 

I said I would smile but I couldn't. Your eyes were too cold. Your face was like a wall filled with lies but I could see right through it. I could see the emptiness in your soul. 

I wanted to see you from the depth of my heart, but you were as numb as I last recall. So therefore I couldn't sketch a smile. I don't even remember if I blinked. It was as painful as ever seeing my greatest failure, my only weakness.

I promise you no one will ever know this. Haa, of course I don't intend to keep it. What did you expect when there's no ending and no beginning at all? I know there is better for me, and I will leave. No more turning back for you, lost memory. 

I said I would smile, but there was no reason for it. We should turn away from the things that don't make us happy. You didn't smile either, stranger...

Hugs

 

Sooo... I've been hugging my kitchen's doors and fridge for a long time now. I'm a totally fridge huger! Well, it gets in my way. I'm the one walking straight here! Show some respect fridge and doors!

Ok, I know this has been tough for everyone, but a little hug/crash into objects can do good. I mean it! Don't need to laugh, but you see it's like talking to a friend and hugging him. You hug your friends, right? So why not hug the fridge, that provides food, which is super important? Why not hug the doors that feel alone when you're not eating in the kitchen... I'm joking here, by the way.

The point is, don't hug things or if you do, don't brag about it like I'm doing here. It's just that it has been a long time since I haven't been writing on the blog, and I have some stuff to tell, but I don't know how. When I'm away from the computer I have these amazing ideas and when I finally get home, I forget how I want to say them...

Well, tough or not, I'll try to stop hugging things. At least I'll pretend to? ^_^ Ok, you can't tell me this never happened to you by accident! 

Paralyzing the mind

 

You have your mind set on your goal. The only image that lies behind the stage is making you numb. Without moving, without making a sound you crawl into darkness to search just for light. As you lose yourself deeper you believe you've found it: the dream, the light, the end of the tunnel, but it's another illusion that will make you feel more nervous.

I am paralyzing the mind with poisonous thoughts. The horror of losing what I never had is slowly taking control and it invades my dreams, my vision, my judgement, everything that one can think of. Is even making fake memories of the real ones. I am paralyzing the mind with pure evil and with some songs that awake a monster in the soul.

I am listening to evidence of the dead to fill the empty holes in my heart. They say to stop, to live the life I have and they lost and then they send unclear messages for me to try to understand and after I achieve my creepy goal, they stare into my mind directly like a disease that never leaves. I love the shadows, I love the feeling that makes me think I'm not alone in my mind.

You're still searching for light in the depth of darkness, you're still hoping to see the end of all the suffering, to find peace. But what made you think there is light in my mind? Get out; it's time to stop the disease from spreading.

I'll miss you, Summer

Summer ended today, maybe. For many of us it ended yesterday, but for me I'm not sure yet. It didn't feel like autumn. And it's not going to feel no matter if my hands and feet are cold at night, or if at eight o'clock gets dark. In my mind summer it's still going to be there just for another month.

Of course I didn't get to do everything I planned, but at least I'm free now. I can do whatever I want. It's not like I have something in mind, actually I gave up some of my plans. Not worth it :)) I guess we all find ourselves in the position to realize something's not worth fighting for. 

I didn't get a chance to say hello to summer properly, and I'm not sure if I want to say goodbye. I read somewhere (actually on facebook) that the worst thing is to get a glimpse of chance just to realize you're fooling yourself. I disagree. When chasing a dream, no matter if you achieve it, if you can fight even a little, even for nothing it's worth it. Yeah, maybe some things are better off where they are, but until you try you never know what's best. 

Things happen for a reason - no. It's just time that passes fast and some situations that connect, the rest is as special or mundane as you let it be. If you want to learn something from it, it's your decision. Of course, we often choose to forget, to let go...

I try not to believe in destiny, because it doesn't always go the way you want it, and if you're convinced something should happen and it doesn't, you might fall of track.